He Is Risen!

Fra Angelico “Resurrection” (one of many he did!)

He is Risen! He is Risen Indeed!

Happy Easter everyone!

Patty had a very good easter…. (her first!)

When she wasn’t giving her oldest brother the Glare of Death for waking her up….

Apparently he made a VERY LOUD NOISE that WOKE UP THE PRINCESS. She was not pleased.

Whether you were back in church, or watched from home, I hope that you had a joyous Easter Day—which in the Catholic Church is still continuing—and that you remember to celebrate the Resurrection for fifty days!

Easter is a season! Living liturgically is a great gift and I want us all to make the best of it by actually living the liturgy!

So after 40 days of fasting and penance, we have 50 days of party!

I was so glad to get back to church.

Holy Thursday is one of my favorite Masses of the year.

Before Holy Thursday Mass—the beginning of the Triduum, the holiest three days of the year.

We didn’t have the washing of the feet this year—I’m wondering if that had to do with COVID stuff—but it was beautiful Mass, especially the singing of the Tantum Ergo, which is special to Dominicans anyway because it was written by St. Thomas Aquinas (OP).

There’s also adoration after the Mass in the “place of repose”—where the Sacrament is taken out of the main church to another room. My parish had adoration until 10 PM. I went home well before that, said compline, and then read Jesus’ “great and final discourse” from the Gospel of John (John 14-17) .

Hear more solo chant from Donna Stewart: https://www.mignarda.com/cds/index.html ANDhttps://mignarda.bandcamp.com/album/adoro-te-gregorian-chant-hymns-maria...

Good Friday my parish had two services, one t 3 PM and one at 7. It’s. service, not a Mass, because there’s no sacrifice of the Mass on Good Friday. The priest consecrated enough hosts on Thursday for Thursday and Friday.

The fourth Station of the Cross: Jesus Meets His Mother

Since I was born on Good Friday I really love Good Friday service. I hope that next year I’ll be reading the First Reading from Isaiah at the service!

After Good Friday Mass I go home and watch The Passion of the Christ. The rest of the day is pretty quiet and I try to go to bed early.

On Holy Saturday there is no Mass until the Vigil, which I attended with my parents. It started at 8:30 and we were out by about 10:45, which led to the annual blasting of the Hallelujah Chorus:

WHEWWW!

And then yesterday my parents went out and had dinner together. And I got lots of cute pictures of Patty and her siblings!

(And Patty is CRAWLING NOW!)

So that was my Holy Week. How was yours? Let me know!

I am so, so, SO glad to be back at Mass. Have I mentioned that?

Seven Quick Takes--Second Shot!

-1-

Hi!

Let’s start with what was on the blog this week:

Living Memento Mori on Catholicmom.com!

-2

Depending on when you’re reading this, I will either be on my way to get my second COVID vaccine, or I will have it! My parents and I are fully vaccinated!!!! Woo woo!

That means—MASS NEXT WEEKENDDDDDD. Church for Holy Week!!!!

-3-

It also means the I’ve booked a trip to see Patty and crew this summer!

Patty and her oldest sister, Susie, on their grandparents’ Texas ranch.

Looking for cows.

Do I even NEED to tell y’ll how excited I am to get to see Patty? No? OK. :) :) Seriously SO EXCITEDDDDDDDDDD. And to see everyone else, of course. I haven’t been to Houston in a few years. My sister used to live there before she got married, so I’ve been there twice. Once to see Mel, and once to see Diane when her daughter holding (Susie) Patty was A BABY. Seriously. She’s 12 now and playing lacrosse for her school and I’m thinking, you were just Patty’s age!

-4-

I am prepared to spend the weekend feeling not good, but that’s OK. I have meds here and entertainment. Worse comes to worse, I just sleep it off.

-5-

I am actually KnoMari’ing everything. I’ve done it before, but it wasn’t really thorough, I sort of half-did it, which is a no go. So the first thing was clothes. Oh my goodness WHAT a clothes purge. I’ve gotten rid of all sorts of things and it definitely makes me feel good. (I am donating everything, not tossing it unless it’s really just I crappy shape, like shoes with holes [why do I even have them?!] or things that are ripped.) I’m not really going to do books because I ddi them before I moved and I have my own system. So I’m finishing clothes and then I’ll move on to papers, which I actually have a fairly good handle on, but it can’t hurt to go through them again. I don’t think I need my tax return for 2006 anymore, right? :)

-6-

Don’t forget STATIONS OF THE CROSS on my Facebook page tonight at 7:00 EST!

-7-

And finally, if you’ve read Living Memento Mori, please leave a review on Amazon or goodreads? THANK YOU! They’re so helpful in getting the word out! (It can be the same one both places!) Also on goodreads, be sure to add it to your shelves!

-BONUS-

Do you remember Little Billy? He would’ve been a year old on St. Patrick’s Day. Please pray for his parents and family!

Seven Quick Takes--1st Friday of Lent

-1-

Hello everyone! How’s your Lent going so far? (The weather might be providing your penance….)

So far mine is going well. I’m adapting this monastic horarium for my use, which is great for adding in extra prayer and also dedicated times for spiritual reading, Lectio, and work. So I get a lot more done, partially because I use this schedule and partially because I’m on social media less, although I think I might need to cull that even further. We’ll see how it goes.

(Fun fact: I was discerned being a cloistered Dominica nun! At Summit!)

-2-

Little Patty and her family are definitely getting penitential weather. They live in Texas, so they lost power, gas, and water, and then had to go to her grandparents’ house for a bit. Now they have gas, power, and “60% water pressure” (according to her dad) so Patty and her family are warm, but so many families aren’t. Pray or them!

Patty does not seem to mind being bundled up….

And yes, she has two teeth now!

-3-

Patrice Fagnat-McArthur wrote a lovely review of Living Memento Mori! (You can find all the reviews of the book here). If you’d like a copy, there are nine left on Amazon! Yes, more are coming, but you know you want it now, right? :)

In other book related news, don’t forget that I’ll be doing Stations of the Cross, using the prayers in my book, starting next week! (We were going to start tonight but….see next point.)

-4-

This is going up later than usual because I had an ENT visit this morning. No, not Tolkien Ents, Ear, Nose, and Throat. I knew that it was going to be AN APPOINTMENT, meaning we’d have lots of thing to do, and we did. Ears were vacuumed (that’s the BEST seriously), and my sinuses were found to have infection. Yayyyyyy. (Not) So that means cipro, which means not moving for two weeks so I don’t rupture any tendons. Seriously, no working out. It sucks because I just started working out again yesterday and it was great. But, alas. Cipro for two weeks.

So because of that I am headach-y and dehydrated (because of all the heat that’s on), so my cochlear implant is hurting my head. So it’s going to go off making me deaf for the rest of the day, but that’s OK. But it does mean no stations tonight. Next week, though!

-5-

I also have clinic on Monday. I have basically three hours between the testing part of clinic (labs, chest X-ray, and PFTs) and seeing my doctor. So I might go to the yarn store. I’ll definitely hit the local French bistro for lunch because it’s one of the perks of being at New Resort. I’m close to really really good food.

-6-

My cardigan is ALMOST DONE! Yay!!!!!!!!!! Just about an inch more to knit on the collar and then I can cast off!

-7-
I get my first COVID vaccine tomorrow! REJOICE!

Seven Quick Takes--a bunch of random

-1-

We’ll start with some Patty for ya….

FINGERS ARE YUMMY!

( I seriously could just post photos of her all day…..)

-2-

In really good news, I’ve gotten to talk to Patty! Well, not really talking, more baby talk and gurgles and baby voices. But her mom (my cousin Diane) has video called me twice lately, and it’s been so great to see Patty and her brother, Johnny (who is too young for school yet) and also catch up with Di! Normally I’d have been in Houston for the baptism in September, but….not this year. Sigh. So video calls are what we do, which is still a good substitute. At least Patty can see my face and hear my voice! And I like seeing Di’s new house, too (well it’s new to me. I haven’t visited them there yet.) Johnny is not in school yet, so that’s why I get to see him while the other three are in school. (There are five kids in total, three girls and two boys.) It’s great to be able to catch up this way, even if I can’t actually snuggle the baby yet. I can make weird faces! :)

I am also going to get her several Baby Lit books for Christmas. :)

-3-

Speaking of Christmas shopping, get copies of Living Memento Mori for Christmas! Pregame your Lent! :)

-4-

As my cardigan project nears its completion, I’m thinking about other things I can knit! One of the things I like is the idea of a capsule knitted wardrobe. I like the idea of “slow fashion” (ie, things made with care, not as cheap as possible and things that last), and I also like the idea of making pieces that will go with a lot of other things. So right now, that means I have to get better at knitting in the round, so I can make hats and sweaters with a top-down construction.

In order to practice, I’ve got two patterns coming up. One is a cowl I’ve done before. After this is this hat, done in Quince and Co’s Lark yarn in Peacock.

Why peacock? When I was in the hospital last year for pancreatitis and gallbladder issues, I got a magazine with the model wearing a peacock colored beret on the cover, and I WANTED IT. Also, it has sort of a Mrs. Weasley-ish vibe that I liked. :)

So after I’ve done a hat (or two—probably two!), I will move on to this sweater, called Leslie, from the same book as my cardigan project:

Leslie is knit in pieces, like my cardigan, and then seamed. It uses Quince and Co’s Osprey yarn. Not sure what color I’ll pick yet, but to fit in with the “capsule” idea, it’ll probably be on that will go with a lot of what I wear!

-5-

Yes, I am watching The Crown. To me it seems like this is the first season where the queen is not…totally likable. I also wish they’d given Maggie T a little more credit, especially in the South Africa episode, but whatever.

Also, the queen’s sons sure are special!

-6-

What are you doing for Thanksgiving? If our restaurants stay open we’ll be going out. But things are sort of….tenuous right now, so no one really knows what’s going to be coming down from the state government….we’ll see!

-7-

I’m also working on my goals for 2021, using Lara Casey’s power sheets, which I absolutely love and highly recommend. :) Look for a post on 2021 goals soon! :)

If you’d like to support my writing, become a Patreon member! Memberships range from $1-$20 a month. Thank you! Your support keeps me creating!

Future Janeite

If you’re my godchild, the indoctrination begins early….

And yes, she will be getting Emma, Sense and Sensibility, Little Women, The Secret Garden, A Little Princess, The Wizard of Oz, A Christmas Carol….

Seven Quick Takes--The eye is healed up!

-1-

Hi everyone! We’re back!

-2-

So I saw my eye doctor yesterday and my corneal abrasion has healed, yayyyyy! I can wear contacts again! Double yay! He wants me to use eye drops for the next week which is fine, just to add some extra lubrication to my eye, no big deal. I’m very glad that it has healed up because I need my eyes to function! (As in, more than the average bear, because of the ears not working, ha!)

-3-

If you need a cuteness pick-me-up, presenting….Adso! (AKA, the Outlander cat)

And if you need more cute, here’s Patty:

On her baptism say. She looks…..unsure. :) My godson, however, was baptized while he was having a bottle! :)

-4-

Business: There’s a patreon. Check it out! Trying to build another income stream and I am so grateful for all my readers and patrons! Once you’re a writer that doesn’t mean you’re rolling in dough. I get my royalty checks once a year (September and March), and I do have to pay taxes (25%!!!!) on my royalties. So. More income streams are good! Thanks for considering.

-5-

Pro tip: Don’t try to knit anything when you don’t normally wear glasses and you’re suddenly wearing them all the time. I’ll be so glad to get back to my knitting ASAP!

-6-

The gallbladder is healing very well, my surgeon is quite pleased. :) I see my transplant clinic folk onMonday so let’s hope all is well there….I will update you when I get back.

-7-

One of my favorite Marian devotions is the Seven Sorrows Chaplet. Have you heard of it? Read about it and pray it, especially since September is devoted to Our Lady of Sorrows!

If you would like a seven sorrows chaplet, this is where I got mine (she’s a local lady who does beautiful work!)

Seven Quick Takes--Welcome July!!!!! (And a baby!!!)

-1-

Welcome, July!!!!

Fireworks at Colonial Williamburg

Gosh, I’m so glad we’re in July. Yayyyy July!

So much to talk about today!!!

-2-

OK first, WELCOME TO MY NEW GODDAUGHTER!

Patricia Mary

6/30/20

7 lbs 15 oz.

She’s my cousin’s daughter, and my first goddaughter! She was born on our grandma’s 90th birthday, and, coincidentially, has the same name as our Grandmother—full name, I mean. The Patricia was for my grandmother, but the Mary is also our grandmother’s middle name!! So how nice is that? Grandma got a pretty awesome present!

You can’t tell in the photos, but she’s a ginger, like her mom!

So she’s been in the hospital for a few days because they had to make sure she tested negative for COVID after a few tests. She’s passing with flying colors though so yay! My cousin can nurse her but she has to gown up because she actually tested positive for COVID—even though she has no symptoms. BIZARRE.

Anyway, I hope by the time this is live, they’re able to go home!

She’s the fifth child in my cousin’s family. They have two daughters—Susie and Bridget—and two boys—Frankie and Johnny. Bridget, in particular, is very happy to have another sister!

So, yes, as her godmother, I am going to spam you all with photos of her because that is my job as godmother.

(And to spoil her rotten….)

-3-

(OK she’s ADORABLE, RIGHT?!?!!?)

I already have a godson, who will be 23 this year. So I’m really happy to have another godbaby, and my first goddaughter. It’s so fun to spoil the littles. Not that I couldn’t spoil my godson, but it’s harder since he’s all grown up and I can’t pay him $1 to see if he knows his prayers anymore. :) He recently graduated from the University of Pittsburgh (A semester early!), so yes, I am insanely proud of him too. :)

-4-

So it’s Fourth of July Weekend! I recommend watching Gettysburg, John Adams, and 1776! (SIT DOWN, JOHN!)

via GIPHY

Also reading John Adams, The Killer Angels, and 1776 are great reads for July, especially the latter. For kids, the Felicty series from American Girl is great for learning about colonial history, and I also really like the Revolutionary War series from Laurie Halse Anderson, told from the perspective of a young slave girl, Isabel, and her friend, Curzon. This is fabulous trilogy: Chains, Forge, and Ashes. (and these are also great books for adults, too! Anderson is a great writer.) Learning history is so important and fiction is a great way to spark interest and learn things!

-5-

Also, reading the Declaration of Independence is a good idea….

-6-

I’ve never been a huge fireworks person, but I did top this with a picture of the CW fireworks because….awesome, right?

-7-

And finally, if you missed the posts from this week, here they are:

There are sleeves on the cardigan!

Glorious Scars

A New Review of Living Memento Mori!

Billy Love

Getting to meet Billy on Sunday

The first post I wrote about Billy is, far and away, the most popular thing I’ve ever written.

I’m so glad that so many people got to know this incredible little boy and his fabulous parents. I’m so glad—and overwhelmed in a good way—by all the comments, prayers, and e-notes I’ve received saying they are praying for Billy and his family.

Sadly, Billy passed away in his father’s arms this morning (Tuesday, March 23).

He was loved, and so cared for, until the end.

These six days they had with him were an incredible gift from God. They were a miracle. I’m sure about that. Billy wasn’t expected to last an hour. Instead, he gave his parents almost a week to rejoice and delight in him—and for us to delight in him as well.

Tiffany got to nurse him. Bill changed his diapers. They slept with him on their chests, cooed at him, took videos, rocked him, and loved him. Billy grasped their fingers and looked into their eyes. His grandparents and aunts and uncles delighted in him. And so did all of us.

The day they left the hospital, the membrane that covered Billy’s encephelocele began to break down. The neonatologist said this was to be expected. At home, the brain tissue began to bleed. But through it all Billy and his family had the love and support of their family and the wonderful hospice nurses from The Resort. Billy was kept comfortable and was always in someone’s arms. He was unbelievably loved, and only knew love his entire life.

I was so blessed to be able to see him. I was so blessed to see my best friend hold her child, her first-born, to mother him, to see Bill hold his son against his chest and feed him. I stroked his little ear and marveled at his tiny fingers and even tinier nails. I delighted in him.

On Sunday, we heard the gospel that contains my life verse—Jesus healing the man born blind. My verses are taken from the beginning of the gospel’s ninth chapter:

As Jesus passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned. He was born blind so that God’s works might be revealed in him.”

I don’t know why I was born the way I was—but God does. I don’t know why Billy was born the way he was—but God does.

Maybe we were both born this way so that we can glorify God. I certainly hope so. That’s what gives me comfort, and that’s why I consider this my life verse.

Billy’s short life glorified God. His parents’ faith and love glorified God. The support, community, love, and prayers of all of you for this little family glorified God.

A few weeks ago, Bill and Tiffany’s church had a luncheon for them, to celebrate Billy and to provide support for Tiff and Bill. At the lunch, we made a quilt, where every guest was invited to write something to Tiff and Bill on a square. The quilt was draped over their couch when I went to visit. It is beautiful.

I had brought my Bible with me, and I spent time going through it, wondering what to write. Finally, I settled on one of my favorite verses. It’s the verses that begins the epilogue of my book.

“God himself will be with them;
he will wipe every tear from their eyes.
Death will be no more;
mourning and crying and pain will be no more,
for the first things have passed away.”

 And the one who was seated on the throne said, “See, I am making all things new.” 

—Revelation 21: 4-5

Today’s Mass reading from Isaiah talks about a time when infants will not die after a few days. When I heard that at the streamed Mass this morning, I almost dropped my coffee mug. Billy was dying, and here Isaiah spoke of a new world, where we would all live the lifespan that God appointed us. There would be no more crying, or death, or sadness. We would all live together to old age. Isn’t that what every parent wants for their child?

We all loved Billy. I thank you for all the love that you gave this family, that you continue to give this family. Please pray for them. At this time, the state of Ohio is essentially shut down—I don’t know what’s going to happen with the funeral. Thankfully, their families are local, so they have that support here in town and they can be together. Please continue to pray for them.

Living in a World of Octobers

On Saturday Mom and Dad and I went to Granville, a small town about a half hour from where we live, and spent the afternoon there. There were delicious juicy burgers, parents with their kids, custard, some sketching (yay!), and delights at a stationery store.

October has been particularly beautiful this year in Ohio, and I’m glad that despite everything else that’s going on and driving me crazy, that the beauty is all around and there to be enjoyed and drunk up.

(Isn’t that last picture a shot of stereotypical small town America? School bus, church, changing leaves….)

Seven Quick Takes--Writing Updates, Birthdays, A Wedding....

Linking up with Kelly!

-I-

If you missed it, my sister got married last week!

It was a beautiful day! I’ll have more about travel logistics up soon, as well as the second part of my April trip…..bad me, I know! I’m being a slacker blogger!

-II-

But I have a reason to be slacker blogger—it’s time for edits! Which means:

via GIPHY

I got edits up to Chapter 11 (there are 15 main chapters, plus the prayer section, and the intro and preface, so 17 chapters and prayers) from my editor yesterday, so now it’s time to DIVE IN. So if it’s quiet around here, that’s why. Amuse yourselves by looking through the archives!

(Or buy Catholic 101! $5!)

-III-

So yes, I’ll be in the office, by Corgi corner, writing. :)

What is Corgi Corner?

This. :)

It’s a Corgi Calendar that my friend Sarah sent me for my birthday, a card with a leaping corgi on the cover, and my Susan Branch Royal Corgi mug, because hello it’s THE BEST.

I fill the mug with tea, and I write. Corgi corner keeps me going!

-IV-

Happy First Day of Summer! It’s been so rainy here that when the sun is out I feel like Gollum:

via GIPHY

It’s only going to be 75 today so not quite warm enough to swim, but warm enough to get outside and squint at the bright thing in the sky!

-v-

We’re hitting the big Birthday Stride in our family: Dad’s birthday was on Wednesday, my new brother in law’s is today, my mom’s is tomorrow, mom and dad’s anniversary (their fortieth!) is on the 30th, and that’s also my grandma’s 89th birthday.

WHEW!

-VI-

The trip to CO was our big trip of the summer so the rest of the summer is delightfully free. Of course I’m working on edits because they’re due before the Fourth of July, but after that, who knows what’s going to happen? Well, other than clinic in July—the big yearly testing date, with CTs and bone density scans—and then my fourteenth transplant anniversary on the 11th!

-VII-

I also need to update you about books I’m reading but we’ll do that later…..I’ll add it to my blog list. In the meantime, tell me what you’re reading! I’m always looking for new titles to pick up!

A Wedding In the Mountains: Melanie and Jason

(Photos by Mel’s photographer, not me! :) )

My sister got married last week, and I have a new brother!

via GIPHY

We’re excited about this. :)

The wedding was on June 13 at Our Lady of the Mountains Catholic Church.

This is a beautiful church! Pope St. John Paul II visited it during World Youth Day in Denver in 1993.

The church was stunning……so here are pictures (especially for family members who couldn’t come, but really, for everyone, because we all need beauty!)

St. Francis with Brother Elk. I saw quite a few people coming to pray here while we were there. It seems like a really popular devotional spot in Estes Park!

Isn’t she gorgeous?!

The stained glass windows around the nave showcased the sacraments. Thought this one was especially appropriate!

The altar and tabernacle—the tabernacle has the five loaves and two fishes on it.

View from the doors

It’s a really gorgeous church, with a statue of the Sacred Heart, a St. Michael window in the choir loft, and last but not least, a really amazing priest! He gave a beautiful homily on how marriage is about joy and sorrow, how marriage really begins the time you have your first fight (basically) or have a bad/sad moment, and how marriage is about being selfless, instead of selfish, because you’re one now. You’re not two. It was appropriate he spoke about joy, because that’s my sister’s middle name! I wish I had a copy of the homily, it was so inspiring.

The reception was intimate, held at a local steakhouse. But there was still cake (well, cupcake) smashing….

And a first dance….

I was a bridesmaid, so I was busy throughout the day and didn’t have time to take a ton of pictures, but that’s what I have. :)

We stayed at The Stanley Hotel (AKA, where Stephen King got the inspiration for The Shining) and my room had a great view:

So, that’s all I have right now, in terms of photos, but it was a lovely, intimate wedding in a gorgeous place, and I’m so happy for my sister and my new brother in law! :)

JACKETS!

I was lucky enough to be at the Columbus Blue Jackets playoff game last Sunday! (They ended up sweeping Tampa Bay last night!) So I thought I’d share some of the photos I took. If you’re not into hockey, read something else. :)

Heading into the arena.

(That’s dad. :) )

We had some time before the game—well, a lot of time. We got there around 3:45 and puck drop was at 7, and we had dinner reservations at 4:15 at Buca di Beppo. So we went into the Blue Line (the Blue Jackets’ shop) before the game to check out what was for sale.

After that, we headed to Buca:

And had a great dinner:

Gotta have coffee for cheering strength!

Buca always has great decorations, and pictures of cute things, like babies covered in spaghetti:

After dinner—TIME TO PARTY!

Heading in to the arena

Pregame show in the concourse

One of my friends on FB asked what happens to the hats tossed to the rink when a hat trick happens. At NA, some of them go here:

Shirts! And rally towels! (under said shirts)

The game itself was OBVIOUSLY intense, with the Jackets winning 3-1, and the place exploded. It was so loud in there. I tried to get some video of that but it’s blurry, so I won’t share.

But it was a fabulous experience. I’ve always wanted to go to a playoff hockey game, so I can cross it off the bucket list.

On the Ninth Day of Christmas....

Hi everyone! Happy New Year!

It’s STILL CHRISTMAS! Do not take down the tree! RESIST! (Unless you have a real one, which has become a fire hazard. Then, of course, get rid of it. But there are advantages to having a fake one, like my $20 Target tree….)

The ninth day of Christmas was always my favorite as a kid, because in the song it’s “Nine ladies dancing” and that just gave me a nice image. Also, my mom’s Christmas china has the twelve days of Christmas illustrated on the dessert plates, and “Nine Ladies Dancing” is the prettiest, so I always wanted that one. My mom, being a piper (she played bagpipes in high school!), is partial to the 11 pipers piping, obviously.

(I need to take pictures of the plates so you can see them! They really are gorgeous. I have 12 days of Christmas ornaments, but not the whole set yet—Hallmark is releasing them one a year, and they’re only up to ‘8 maids a-milking’.)

Anyway, how is your Christmas season going? Did you do anything fun? Are you enjoying wallowing in the Christmas books you got, like me? :) (Seriously, SO MANY this year, it’s an overflow of riches.)

Coming up here on the blog is a yarn along post about blocking (I know that thrills the non yarn people among you, but guys, it makes a HUGE difference, so it’s for the fabric-oriented), goals for 2019, and some writing updates…..but I just wanted to pop in and say hi with this entry.

And share this little guy’s picture, because he’s adorable. Did you have breakfast with Cookie Monster last week?

Burdens

Kelly at This Ain’t The Lyceum wrote a great piece about how everyone is a burden to someone at some point in her life. It’s not just people who are disabled, or poor, or old, or whatever. ALL of us were, or will be, a “burden” to someone.

One of the things you hear when people talk about assisted suicide is that they don’t “want to be a burden” to their loved ones. But think about it. Babies are inherently a burden to their parents. They can’t do anything for themselves. We all started there, and we’ll probably all go back there as we get older.

This touched me specially because I had a call with a “disability caseworker” last week, and I’m working through the SSDI application process. This entire process is dehumanizing and humiliating. It boils down to what you can do, and strips away anything else. So at the end of this call, which involved both my parents, I burst into tears.

“Why are you crying?!” My parents asked.

“Because these things are so humiliating. I feel like such a burden to everyone, I can’t do anything, you guys are just stuck with me forever! No one wants me!”

“We want you,” my parents said.

And then they reminded me that they really did want me. This wasn’t just parents saying what they’re supposed to say (like when you ask your boyfriend if a dress makes you look fat. There’s a right answer to that question.).

My parents really wanted me. They prayed hard for me. They got married in 1979 and I didn’t appear until 1982. My mom always wanted to be a mother. They prayed hard for me, and, in an example of God taking people seriously, Mom had said in her prayers that she would take a baby who needed extra care, because she knew she could love and take care of that baby.

And believe me, she has. The things my parents have done for me would take a really long time to explain, but here’s just a bit of it:

• Many, many, MANY ER runs (One during the Super Bowl, when the Steelers were playing. My parents are huge Steeler fans.)

• Monthly blood draws when I was a toddler.

• Driving to Cleveland in a snowstorm for an appointment.

• Many many many overnight hospital stays

• Learning how to reconstitute medicines and give them via an IV, even 8 or twelve hours—yeah, that means middle of the night stuff. WHEEEE!

• Beating on my chest twice a day, every day, as part of daily CF therapy (now that’s not really needed, there are inventions that take care of it, but back then, not so much).

• Many insurance phone calls

• Learning how to dress a third degree burn, and then doing the dressing at the kitchen table, which was just par for the course at our house.

It’s a lot. And I’d be lying if I said I never felt like a burden to them, because I do. Our society makes it clear of what it thinks about “people like me”. I’ve had people tell me, to my face, that I shouldn’t exist. That’s sort of hard to deal with. And as I get older, I get increasingly sadder about this fact that I’m not married, so my parents have to handle everything for me, because I don’t have a husband to help out. (Not that every husband would help out….)

But really, Kelly’s right—we’re all burdens. We just are, it’s part of being human. We depend on each other. Think about it. Even a “normal” kid needs mom and dad’s helps. Even “normal” adults need help every once in awhile. We can’t do everything ourselves, it’s just not possible.

But we see this as being wrong, and as something that needs eliminated. Sure, we all want to be independent. I am very glad, for example, that I can use the bathroom by myself, because having gone through periods of my life where I’ve had to wait for a bedpan or three nurses to help me, I do not take that ability for granted. But you know, there are times when I haven’t been able to do that, when mom has had to wash my hair, or Dad has had to call AAA because I can’t call them.

It can be a lot. It can be humiliating, and it can be depressing. As a society, we need to really focus on the person, because we are all God’s chosen people, in that, God willed us into existence. This is my existence.

I’m glad that I am independent, in some ways. I’m glad that I don’t need to rely on my parents for everything. But at the same time, I know that even when I have needed that, they’ve answered. And I know some parents don’t—I don’t know them personally, but I’ve seen them, I’ve heard the horror stories. I’m lucky.

People are people to be loved, not to be called burdens or dismissed because of it. Really, we could all be burdens to God. Think about how slow we are. I mean, doesn’t he ever sit up there and just facepalm? Seriously, humanity?! WE COVERED THIS!!!!!

But God made us anyway. People love us anyway. Our worth isn’t about what we can do or what job we have or anything external. Worth is internal.

#16 Grandma

(This is the post for Saturday—there will be a Sunday post later!)

My grandma is down here with my aunts, spending time on a girls’ weekend together at Easton (A shopping/entertainment district near where I live). I didn’t know grandma was in town, so I was really pleasantly surprised to see her at Mass last night!

Grandma is 88 and she’s the last grandparent I have. The older I get, the more conscious I am of that, and I treasure getting to spend time with her. Even if it’s just an hour at Mass. :)

At Bryan and Sarah’s wedding in May

#7 Fajitas with Mel (and Ember Days start tomorrow!)

My sister lives in Colorado, so I don’t get to see her that much, which is sad. She’s an RN at Colorado Children’s, the only children’s hospital in the entire state. She’s also getting married in June!

Tonight she called me and we cooked together. I love FaceTime. She was making a cake while I made fajitas for dinner, and we talked about wedding plans and our brother and what we like to cook and how she was eating all the cake batter. :-P And I got to say hi to Bella, her cat. We also decided that I’d look up a place for the rehearsal dinner, because I really do love reading Yelp reviews and I want to help her out. :)

Sadly I didn’t take a shot of her on the phone—she was having an AMAZING hair day. She has thick blonde hair I envy. Mine is not thick.

But I did take a photo of the fajitas.

Homemade salsa in there, too!

And—a few dioceses around the country, and many individuals, are re-instating the practice of Ember Days in their spiritual lives. What are ember days? They’re days that the Church used to use for prayers—blessings on the natural world, on crops, on the people who live in the area, etc. They happen four times a year, and the Michaelmas (fall) ones are tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday. They’re days for fasting and more prayer.

If you want to know more, check out this great article. I am terrible at fasting. But I will abstain from meat. Here’s a specific link on the fall Embertide. (The other ones fall after Pentecost, St. Lucy’s Day [Dec. 13] and after Ash Wednesday.)

(If you’re a blog subscriber, you’re getting this W morning….but you can still fast or do things on the Friday and Saturday! Not too late!)

Thirteen

The annual transplant anniversary post tends to change, in form and shape, every year. This year, a lot has happened: 

Catholic 101 was published in November (buy it here--on sale until Friday!) 

My brother got married

(c) Erica Kay Photography , http://ericakayphotography.com/home

My sister got engaged

Melanie and Jason (her fiance) leaving Bryan and Sarah's wedding (c) Erica Kay Photography, http://ericakayphotography.com/home

I saw the Stanley Cup with my parents

I went back to Williamsburg and Duck 

I started writing and editing for Take Up & Read. 

I celebrated my grandma's 88th birthday with my family

I knit my first shawl. 

None of these things would've happened without my donor. 

It can be tempting to look at life in terms of productivity, what we do,  and I'm not trying to list my productivity. Look at what I've done! Rather, it's more like, these are things I never would've done, enjoyed, even conceived of, thirteen years ago. These are things that never would've happened. 

I would've missed my brother's wedding. 

I never would've met my new future brother-in-law and sister-in-law. 

13 birthdays, Christmases, holidays....all those things would've passed without me. 

In general, women post-transplant don't do as well as men. There isn't a lot of data, period, on women who have survived a transplant longer than 10 years. I'm in new territory here. 

I try not to think about that. 

Instead, these things I get to do are gifts, even when life is sort of sucky, because life is never totally perfect. I mean, things are overcome, yes--but just because something is overcome doesn't mean that everything is suddenly perfect. It doesn't work that way. 

Someone said, life is full of suffering, but it is also full of the overcoming of it. 

And that about sums it up. 

Thirteen years of overcoming is pretty good. 

With the cousins on my mom's side at my brother's wedding. This is not all of them, btw! 

To be an organ donor, go to donatelife.net/register

A Wedding

He's married. And so is she! I have a new sister! 

My brother's wedding was lovely, and glorious, and so much fun. Everything about it spoke to the personalities of the two people involved, and the love that God has given them. The Mass homily was especially great; the deacon, who had prepared them for marriage, spoke about the graces we all received just by attending the Mass, and the graces God gives us all for our state in life. 

The joy really did overflow. It was a great party. The rain was spotty, and then gone, so we were able to take photos in the garden of the reception location, and also bring the party onto the deck that came off of the main room. Seeing so many family members and friends made it even better, especially friends of my parents that I haven't seen in ages. 

In Gone With the Wind, Melanie Wilkes says that the happiest days are when babies come. I think the second happiest days have to be when two people who are clearly so well-suited for each other get married. 

Bubby

My brother was the sibling that made me a big sister. 

I remember the day he was born very clearly. Mom and Dad bundled me off to Laurie's house (a friend of theirs) in my Grover nightgown, and I slept in one of the boys' beds (they have three boys), until Laurie and Barry (her husband) woke me up the next morning. 

"You have a baby brother!" They told me. 

I stood in their bedroom, rubbing my eyes in the morning sunlight and sort of grumpy.

 
"I wanted a sister," I grumped. 

Well, I got my sister four years later. And I was glad to get her. But I've really, really enjoyed having a brother like Bryan, who is unfailingly upbeat, friendly (EVERYONE seems to know him), supportive, totally giving of his time, great with kids, a sports fanatic (which has served him in good stead), and one of the most cooly collected people I will ever meet, which definitely serves him well, and which I envy. And he's just adorable and sweet. Which I probably shouldn't say because it's not "manly", but it's true, and it's a great thing, in my opinion. He's incredibly creative, with a great sense of humor. And he's strong--which is great to have in a brother, because you can use him for heavy lifting (kidding, sort of)--but also mentally, which serves him in good stead as a runner. (I like to brag about his marathon-running. Kid's run Boston and New York (twice).) 

We weren't always this close. In fact, when we were kids, we were downright feral towards each other, pulling hair and scratching and generally fighting a lot. It really wasn't until I went to college that we became good friends, and I'm glad we did, eventually, because I just love him to bits. (So, parents reading this--if your kids fight when they're little, that doesn't preclude them being close as adults!) 

And he's getting married. Isn't he still five? Wasn't I just reading Go Dog Go! to him?

Apparently not. 

I'm so proud of you, Bubby. You're going to be a great husband. And I love the woman you've picked to be your wife. I'm so glad Sarah is joining the family!

(Yes, we call him "Bubby." I have no idea why. It's the shortening of a VERY long nickname we came up with for him when he was a toddler. That's a family secret. ;-) ) 

Thirty-six

I love birthdays. 

I especially love birthdays you weren't supposed to have. Seriously. Thirteen extra birthdays since my transplant! Yayyyy!!!

Thirty-six sounds sort of old. It's not, really. But it sounds that way. I did like being thirty-five. That, and seventeen, were always ages that sounded good to me. (Do you have ages like that?) 

So, my birthday was sort of low-key. My parents took me to Chuy's, and we did a little bit of shopping. I got a Manduka PRO mat for my yoga practice, and I love it. So worth the money (and yay REI member coupons!). I think it's really helping my practice so far. We also went to David's Tea and I got some yummy tea goodness, including my "cake"--their birthday cake tea infused chocolate bar, which I shared with my parents. It was yummy! (I adore their birthday cake tea as well) I also went to Kendra Scott and picked out earrings to wear to my brother's wedding next month. And of course, there were books: Force of Nature * and Unmasked*, because I love Andrew Lloyd Webber with all my theater-loving heart, and I'd been wanting to read Force of Nature for MONTHS. 

My brother took me to dinner (Red Robin, free burger on your birthday!), which was delightful. 
So it was a good day, a good week. (Birthday flowers unexpectedly arriving make any week a good week!) 

Later this week I'll be talking about Ponder *, which is available on Amazon and is SO GORGEOUS. I have two essays in the book (The Preaching of the Kingdom and The Agony in the Garden), so of course that makes it really special for me, but it's gorgeous in every way. So I'll share more with you about that later this week! 

*=affiliate link