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Oh, Jesus, I have missed you.

The last Mass I attended was March 1, 2020. I went to confession and then heard Mass.

I have never gone a year without Mass, and I’ve definitely never gone this long without The Eucharist. During my longest hospitalizations, I still had the Eucharist almost every week (except for the time I was in the ICU and, you know, not able to swallow things). Right before my transplant I was able to receive a sip of the Precious Blood. After transplant, extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion came to our house to give me the sacrament.

I haven’t had the Eucharist since July, when my good friend Fr. H came to hear my confession, give me communion, and have lunch with me.

That’s so long without Jesus.

I was so excited to go to Mass that I couldn’t sleep last night. The idea of wearing nice “church” clothes, of getting all my prayer books together from their disparate places around my house, and actually attending Mass and not listening to a podcast homily, was…really exciting. I’m not going to lie.

Entering the pew and being in the presence of God was a thrill, and I’m not lying. Usually I come to Mass “prepared”. I have a list of who I’m going to pray for and what I’m offering Mass for.

This Mass? Nothing but pure thanksgiving.

The closest thing I can compare it to is when I was in the ICU in college. I was flat on my back or two weeks. My muscles had completely lost the knack of doing things like sitting up, or standing, or going to the bathroom. I was amazed at how my body just took those things for granted.

That’s how I felt today. Receiving Jesus in the Eucharist, being filled with that grace—it was like, “I got this every week?” It felt completely new and I was so grateful for it.

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Catholics, let’s talk for a second.

I am totally vaccinated. You might not be. You might still be wary of going back.

Please go back soon. Jesus misses you!

One of my goals was to get to Mass for Holy Week. The idea of celebrating Holy Week, going to the Masses, going to confession, having real holy hours again…I’m a bit verklempt thinking about it.

I wrote in the back of my prayer journal that “Jesus is essential.” I had missed Mass but I didn’t realize how much I had missed it until I was back in the parking lot and getting out of the car.

It really was like coming home.

Holy Week 2016

All's pretty quiet over here, for Holy Week and the Triduum. Time is being spent contemplating so, in the Dominican fashion, I can "share the fruits of contemplation." 

In a special way, let's pray for Belgium, another country added to the sad role of those affected by terrorist acts. Let us pray that terrorism will cease, and that the Prince of Peace can bring us peace. 

See, my servant shall prosper, 

he shall be raised high and greatly exalted. / Even as many were amazed at him--/so marred was his look beyond human semblance/ and his appearance beyond that of the sons of man--/so shall he startle many nations, / because of him kings shall stand speechless; / for those who have not been told shall see,/ those who have not heard shall ponder it. 

Who would believe what we have heard? / To whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?/ He grew up like a sapling before him, / like a shoot from the parched earth; / there was in him no stately bearing to make us look at him,/ nor appearance that would attract us to him./ He was spurned and avoided by the people,/ a man of suffering, accustomed to infirmity,/ one of those from whom people hide their faces,/ spurned, and we held him in no esteem. 

Yet it was our infirmities that he bore,/ our sufferings that he endured,/ while we thought of him as stricken/ as one smitten by God and afflicted./ But he was pierced for our offenses,/ crushed for our sins;/ upon him was the chastisement that makes us whole,/ by his stripes we were healed./ We had alone gone astray like sheep,/ each following his own way;/ but the Lord laid upon him the guilt of us all.

Though he was harshly treated, he submitted/ and opened not his mouth;/ like a lamb led to the slaughter/ or a sheep before the shearers,/ he was silent and opened not his mouth./ Oppressed and condemned, he was taken away,/ and who would have thought anymore of his destiny?/ When he was cut off from the land of the living,/ and smitten for the sin of his people,/ a burial place was assigned him among the wicked/ and a burial place with evildoers,/ though he had done no wrong/ nor spoken and falsehood./ But the Lord was pleased/ to crush him in infirmity. 

If he gives his life as an offering for sin,/ he shall see his descendants in a long life,/ and the will of the Lord will be accomplished through him.

Because of his affliction/ he shall see the light in fullness of days;/ through his suffering, my servant shall justify many,/ and their guilt he shall bear./ Therefore I will give him his portion among the great,/ and he shall divide the spoils with the might,/ because he surrendered himself to death/ and was counted among the wicked;/ and he shall take away the sins of many,/ and win pardon for their offenses. 

Isaiah 52:13-53:12