When I saw today's Blessed is She prompt, I knew I had to write about it.
I am one of the least-patient persons in creation. I'm working on it--having to wait 40 some days for a transplant helped in that regard--but I am still really impatient. I tend to not enjoy waiting.
The thing I enjoy least about waiting isn't the "inconvenience"--I don't really mind traffic jams or lines at the grocery store. A traffic jam was to be pretty bad for me to get mad about it. The thing I enjoy least is not knowing.
I don't like waiting for something that may or may not happen. If I know something is going to happen, I can wait for it to come (like Christmas, as a kid). I might not wait very patiently, but it won't drive me crazy.
Right now, I've been feeling like I'm waiting for someone special to come along. I know. I don't often right about love here. But I really don't enjoy being single. I don't mind it. Living alone isn't something I actively dislike. I mean, right now? I've got dinner on the stove, Diet Coke in the fridge, and a stash of chocolate no one can eat but me. ;-) I watch what I want to watch on TV, I read what I want to read, and I have people over when I want them.
But I always thought I'd be married. I've always wanted to be a wife. And while I was engaged (many moons ago now), I've never been married--and I want to be married. I want to have someone to spend my life with. I want to have a partner. I want to have someone to love like that.
I've prayed about it, but it still hasn't happened. And I don't know if it ever will. God's timing is perfect, right? Well.....right. But that doesn't mean that I like waiting on His timing. As I've said before, I like a burning bush. And I don't like the unknown. Maybe God is trying to teach me something here. But waiting for his timing in this instance has been something I'm not precisely patient about. In fact, it's starting to bug me. I'm not getting any younger, here. I'm not old, and I don't have a hang up about my age. But most of my friends are married now, and I'm sort of tired of waiting for it to happen.
I don't know if God's got something in mind for me in this area. He might, he might not. What drives me crazy is not knowing whether or not this is ever going to happen.
I know a woman can be fulfilled without a man; today's the feast day of St. Teresa of Avila, who, as a nun, was a Bride of Christ, but who never was "married" to a physical man. Plenty of women are single.
St. Therese wrote in The Story of a Soul that God doesn't give you desires he won't fulfill. So I guess I should just wait on His timing? No matter how much I really really REALLY dislike it?
God's Timing is perfect...but I wish he'd let me in on the timeline, sometimes.