Two sisters on a terrace…..waiting for a guy…..
If you’re on Twitter, and you follow me (Or really, follow Catholic Twitter), you’ve probably noticed the ongoing debate about women and college. There are people who think that, if a girl wants to be a stay at home mom (SAHM), that she doesn’t need to go to college. She doesn’t need the degree, she doesn’t need debt, she just needs a husband! Then all her problems will be solved!
Guys. (Ladies?) Let Auntie Em tell you some things.
Number 1: You can go to college without debt
You can. Really. It’s true! I did it! Part of that was because my parents had saved money for me (and my siblings). Part of that was that I chose a college we could afford—and by afford, I mean that my parents told me, very early on (like, freshman year of high school) that if I wanted to go there, I had to get scholarships, because we couldn’t afford it without them.
I got said scholarships. With scholarships, and my parents’ savings, and the savings bonds I had been given as gifts since I was a wee bairn, I went to college without debt.
So, yes, it can be done. (I realize it cannot be done for everyone. I know I had good parents.)
But that’s not really the point here.
The point is, girls—you need a plan.
Number 2: The man might not show up
I was engaged in college. Yes I was.
I am not married now.
We didn’t get married. Which was a good decision, on the whole (that’s not a smear on the guy. It’s a fact based on where I was at the time, and that we were incompatible, and we were engaged for the wrong reasons. But not going into that here!).
But, my goal, as a 19 year old, was to get married, have kids, and be a SAHM. That’s what I’d always wanted to do with my life.
Honestly, it’s still what I want to do with my life.
But….I’m 37. I can’t have kids. (Naturally, anyway. I’d adopt!) And I’m not married.
Some people—and yes, these people exist—would say that I shouldn’t have left my parents’ house, that my father should still be “in charge” of me, and that I am doing everything wrong by having an independent life. Because, apparently we all live in a Jane Austen novel where unmarried ladies are supported by their fathers or brothers forever.
If you want to see how awesome that was….remember the scene in the 1995 Sense and Sensibility, where John is talking about how much he’ll “give” his mother and his sisters to live on, and his wife keeps wanting it reduced? Yeah. That. Fun times!
So, look, ladies.
The man might not show up, no matter how much you want him to. Or he might show up really late in the game!
And until then….you have to be able to support yourself. That doesn’t necessarily mean college, but it does mean a skill set that you can use to feed, clothe, and house yourself!
Number 3: The kids might not show up!
Do we really need to say this? I mean, I think everyone knows someone who has trouble getting pregnant, or can’t have kids. So if you want to be a SAHM…..the “mom” part might be an issue.
And I’ve been there. I am there. I understand how sucky that is, trust me.
So if the kids don’t show up, what are you going to do?
Think about it. You might be perfectly find staying home and taking care of the house and husband and yourself sans kids. It’s an option. But….think about it.
I’ve always cringed when I watch shows like the Duggars or something, where everyone assumes they’re going to get married.
That’s not true, guys.
Or, they assume kids will come.
Also not true, guys!
I fully, fully support SAHM life. I am the daughter and granddaughter of SAHMs. I love them. I wanted to be one. My mom is amazing—she worked before I was born, she worked before she met my dad, and boy howdy she “worked” after, just without a pay check…..she can give (and constitute) IV meds, she can do burn dressing changes, she accesses and flushes my port every month, she is awesome. There are times when she seriously knows more than some nurses do. (My sister is a nurse, so no shame being cast here, guys.) Without her, I know I wouldn’t have been as healthy as I was. So when I say I love SAHMs, I do—I wanted to be one.
But ladies. We have to think about other things. We have to have Plan B. We can’t sit around singing “Someday My Prince Will Come” and waltzing with brooms. I mean, we can, but that’s a leeeeetle weird!
So, ladies—I am here to tell you.
Have a plan that doesn’t involve getting married. Because you might need it.
edited to add:
Even if you do get married, it’s good to have skills.
Your husband could die! He could get hurt or sick! He could become disabled!
And then you’d have to be the one providing for the family.
So, think about it!