Emily M. DeArdo

writer

Seven Quick Takes No. 106: A Squirrel Saga

7 Quick TakesEmily DeArdo2 Comments
No, my squirrel is not this cute....

No, my squirrel is not this cute....

I. 

So, let me tell you, squirrels are not cute and cuddly. Disney has lied to us, people!

II. 

On Super Bowl Sunday, I came up to my bedroom and was going to get ready for bed, when I noticed a large hole about the size of a softball, 11 or 12 feet up on my wall. This had not been there when I'd gotten home from church, and I thought maybe, since the kids were using the side of my house as a goal for soccer (It had been a really nice day), that they'd hit the wall hard and dislodged a bit of the drywall. OK. Fine. I was annoyed, but not terribly worried. 

The next day I went to the apartment office and told them that the wall needed patched. A guy came out, took a photo, and said he'd be back to fix it.

III.

Two weeks later...still  not fixed. And the hole is getting bigger. 

Maybe they had to order a new piece of drywall, or something. Because holes should be patched quickly, right? 

IV. 

My patience ran out when I came up one day and saw that the hole was MUCH bigger, and there was now drywall and insulation all over the floor. Patience gone! 

Go to the apartment office again. Guy comes out, re-plasters the hole, says he'll finish it the next day--Thursday.

V. 

Wake up Thursday morning. The hole is back

OK, now I know there's something in there. I am officially freaked. I go back to the office and tell them. 

"OK, we'll send out a guy to look and trap the squirrel."

A squirrel? Eating my drywall and insulation and living in my attic? EATING MY BEDROOM WALL??!?!?!

I slept on the couch that night. 

VI. 

On Friday I went to my parents, where I would stay until this was dealt with. The office told us that they had to fix the roof, set traps, catch the squirrel, and then they would fix the wall. And there would be no more squirrel. 

Finally, last night (AKA, a week later) we got a call from them saying that the roof was fixed, and while the squirrel wasn't in the traps, he wasn't in the house, either--so maybe he had escaped to get food while the roof was being fixed and couldn't get back in. Whatever it was, the squirrel was gone. 

VII. 

I came home--there is a huge piece of wood bolted over the very large hole. No way the squirrel is getting through that sucker. 

I slept the sleep of the Just--or at least, the sleep of the Non Squirrel Infested Bedroom. 

And now I really, really hate squirrels.