One of the things I hate about mental health issues is that it’s so easy to freak out when you feel yourself starting to slide. It’s so gradual, that it can be just a few little things, and then suddenly you have a day like I had today, where if the World’s Cutest Corgis came into my yard, I would’ve flown into murderous rage.
I was so unhinged all day, and if I had to pinpoint it, it would’ve started on Sunday, when I go so angry at the Steelers that I was yelling and swearing and generally losing it. But today, when I wanted to bite the head off any human being I encountered, including my super sweet and wonderful boss, I started to think, waaaaait a minute…..
I ran through the regular triggers. I’d been sleeping amazingly. So that wasn’t it.
I had a Diet Coke, and some Earl Grey. If it was a caffeine/sugar issue, that would fix it. No go. (I put milk and sugar into my Earl Grey, for the record.)
I had some dark chocolate in the house and had a piece of “emergency chocolate.” Nope.
Wait a minute…..maybe it’s……the skin cancer med.
I looked up the side effects online, and there it was: mood disorders (anxiety, depression, etc.)
Now, just knowing that I’m not going crazy—literally—is very helpful.
But in the all and all, I’d rather have physical side effects, because then you can take something. Nausea? Vomiting? Phenergan! Pain? We got stuff for that! Can’t sleep! Meds!
This, nothing I can do except ride it out until Halloween when the course is finished.
I’m already on anti-anxiety meds (since I was 16), so….can’t do anything about that, and even if I wasn’t, it can take awhile for the meds to build up in the system, so it wouldn’t really help, most likely.
So, while the med is just a cream, apparently it’s tres potent, and after not even a week….oh well.
I can hang in there. It’s just nice to know I wasn’t entirely losing my mind. But I think I might hide in my hobbit hole for a few days so I don’t take the head off anyone who doesn’t use their turn signal. :-p