Emily's Journal: What Defines Your Life? ✍️

Font image that reads, “The following is a journal entry from Emily that is being shared with permission from her parents. This is a look into her unfiltered thoughts about her outlook on life and how she wanted to be defined... “

Thursday, June 19, 2003

I read an article about a girl with CF (Cystic Fibrosis), and here are my comments:

I don’t want this to define me. If someone wrote an article about me, I want it to be about my voice or work or something awesome I’ve done - not my CF. It would be like writing an article on my blonde hair. I want my legacy to be my library, my wit, my work, my music, my laughter, my friends, my pictures, my relationships, my loves. I want to be remembered for my fortitude, my talents, my love of God, children, self, my self-reliance, my respect of others, my love of life and not the fact that it may end too soon. Defeats and circumstances are not a legacy. The life ones lives IN SPITE OF THEM is my legacy. That is what I want to live forever - these words, not the fact of my life. My spirit. My heart. My life, defined on my own terms and lived my way. Free. Without apologies. Passionate. In love with life. And with no excuses or borders…just my free, passionate, gifted, willful, personal self. Just me.

Emily Michele DeArdo.

That’s me. A daughter, sister, niece, cousin, granddaughter, best friend, friend, writer, musician, confident, EAI member, Catholic, devout, actress, lobbyist, politician, collector, debater, singer, lover of all the life that God above gives me to live. God is so good to me! I am defined on my own terms and by my own words.

I am so much more than this page (her journal) can contain. I am a daughter of God and I live to do His will. I am loved and happy and unique and passionately in love with life. I want to drink it, absorb it, eat it! All of it! Even the “bad parts.” Nothing is bad - all of it is part of the mosaic of life. Life is to be lived as richly as possible until we go to live with God forever. How happy that will be! Life beautiful, wonderful, fabulous…and I don’t ever want to be told otherwise. My life is mine and I love it! CF is part of it, to be sure, but it doesn’t define me. I define me! And, oh, how I love life!

“You have to live the
life you’re given,
and never close your eyes
you hold on, and stare into
the skies, and burn against the cold!
For any moment
you might find the gold!”
- “Gold” by Linda Eder

How true! How true!
I LOVE LIFE!

Font image that reads, “While you read, did you think about how you’ve been defining your own life? Have you been limiting yourself or letting others label you and your potential? In the wise words of Jane (aka Nightbirde)...”

Quote from Jane Marczewski (aka Nightbirde): “You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore…before you decide to be happy.”

Eighteen

This is a photo of me and my godson, Ryan. (He’s also my cousin.)

I was fifteen when he was born. When I received my transplant, he was seven years old.

I loved him insanely. I kept his photos in my locker, and my friend Amilia remembers that we used to call him “baby.” (I still love him insanely, don’t get me wrong. The insanity of love does’t wane.)

He’s 25 now. He works in Pittsburgh and has a degree in economics. He’s learning Japanese.

When I was on the list, when I thought I might not get to see him grow up, one of the things I wrote during that time was a letter to him—things I wanted him to know.

Fortunately he never received that letter, because I did get to see him grow up. I saw him lose teeth, make his first communion, heard his voice break and his body shoot up in height, and I went to his high school graduation party and I know him as an adult.

Patty is three years old. When I had my transplant, her mother (my cousin) wasn’t even married. Neither were my siblings.

My nieces—sweet Madeleine and Hailey—weren’t even possibilities at that point.

Melanie and Madeleine (aka, Maddie, Baby Bear, Sweetheart, Baby Maddie….)

Bryan and Hailey (aka, Hails, Hailey Bug, Baby Bear, Munchkin, Baby Girl…)

Cheering on her favorite baseball player with Mommy!

There are so many gifts. So many things I didn’t even think of when I was twenty-three.

So many things I would have missed.

For some reason, I didn’t miss them. I got to experience them.

“I am, among all men, most richly blessed.”

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Please consider becoming an organ donor, so that more families like mine can be blessed.

Also, my annual signed book sale is on! Get a signed copy of my book, a specially designed bookmark and prayer card, and free shipping, for $15! Email me with your address.

Putterings

My garden grows!

Long time no write! Time is just slipping by and I realized it’s been awhile since I’ve posted here. So here we go!

My garden, as you can see above, flourishes—I even have my first tomato!

It’s little but it’s there!

**In the garden this year I’m growing lavender, sweet basil, mint, and cherry tomatoes. I’ve never grown any vegetables before but when I saw that this type of cherry tomato grows well in containers I thought I’d give it a whirl. My grandpa grew tomatoes in his backyard, and I loved helping him take care of them and seeing the ripe tomatoes lined up on the kitchen windowsill. I didn’t really think they’d grow, but behold! So today I’m off to the hardware store to get a bigger planter, a tomato cage, and a trowel.

I’m hoping to dry a lot of the basil so I can have it on hand throughout the year. The mint is doing well, and the lavender is too, but I know the lavender is really going to be dependent on our weather. I tried to grow it a few years ago and the summer was so wet that it killed it. So I’m hoping we only have a moderately wet summer so it doesn’t drown. I had to really cut the mint back a few weeks ago because it had gone all leggy, but it’s doing better now.

**I’m going to have an essay published in The Public Discourse, probably at the beginning of June! It’s about transplants, gratitude, and memento mori (because I do think about that!) When the article is up I’ll post a link here and on my social media (you can find the links to all my accounts on the blog sidebar).

**Scotland trip planning continues! We’ve booked our tickets for Britannia, The Palace of Holyrood House, as well as some afternoon teas and meals. Can you tell I’m EXCITED?

Hive mind: Best tips for a long flight? I’ve never taken a trans-Atlantic flight! Tell me what I need to know/pack/do!

**In Knitting, I’m obsessed with the Sophie Scarf and the Sophie Shawl. So easy, so elegant, and so fun.

Here’s a completed Sophie Scarf in La Bien Aimee’s Merino Boucle “There Goes My Yarn Diet”

I’m currently knitting the Sophie Shawl in Quince and Co’s gorgeous Phoebe Yarn in the Orion color way. I’m doing the largest size, so you’d need two skeins of Phoebe to knit this up. These are perfect accessories for adding a little bit of flair to an outfit or for keeping the A/C chill off!

Phoebe in Orion

How’s your May going?

"Life, London, this moment of June"

OK, I’m not in London. (The quote is from Mrs. Dalloway, one of my favorite novels.)

And June can actually be a really hard month for me, because there’s been a lot of medical crap that went down in June. (And I actually have a squamous cell carcinoma that needs removed—that’s next month—that I just found out about, but honestly, I don’t really care, we’ll handle it)

But this June? This June has been pretty fun.

Patty discovers…THE TENT.

I’m going to see Patty and her siblings!

Peanut (Patty’s newest sibling) is growing well! S/he is due in October.

It might be really hot, but it’s super pretty. This I the view from my porch. I love sitting here and reading at night. Right now I’m re-reading Emma* as part of the Jane Summer Re-Read.

Tiffany and I went to see the Columbus Symphony play at a local church as part of their summer night music programming. Cheaper tickets, don’t have to drive downtown, and don’t have to pay to park? Count me in. It was a beautiful program!

How’s your summer going so far?

Each day fresh, with no mistakes in it

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it,” as Miss Stacy once told Anne Shirley. And after the year that was 2020, I think we need to remember that tomorrow is always fresh! We can always start again.

Looking back on 2020, there were two great things: my book, and Patty. Those are things I am glad to keep, and things I celebrate. 2020, no matter what else happened, will always be a good year because of those two things, and the things that came from them.

Patty on Christmas, with the teething toys she got.

Stacks of my book in my office.

I’ll never wish those things back.

In my family, it’s generally a good day if, at the end of it, no one ended up in the ER. And I wonder if that’s a mindset we need to take with us into 2021? The idea that our days will not be perfect all the time, which is why we need to remember what Miss Stacy told Anne—every day is a fresh chance to get it right. And maybe we need to adjust the bar for what’s considered a “good” day? If at the end of the day, everyone is home, everyone is safe, and everyone is fed, then can we call that a good day? Or at least a day that we got through and we can try again tomorrow?

I wrote this on Instagram, and I share it here because it’s true: “Most of all, I’d keep what I know to be true: that a great, good God is running this show, and while I don’t always understand what’s going on, He does. And He has plans for our salvation, happiness, and joy.”

We don’t always see the plan. I like to know the plan. I’m BIG on that. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve also realized that I’m never going to know all of it. I’m just not! I have to give these things to God. That doesn’t mean I don’t try to do my best. But as John Paul XXIII (I think?) said, “It’s your Church, Lord. I’m going to bed.”

Sometimes, the best thing we can do is turn it all over to God and go to bed.

As we head into this new year, we don’t know what will happen. But if we try, every day, to live it with God ad with intention, I think we’ll have lots of good days, good weeks, and good years.

Seven Quick Takes--The eye is healed up!

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Hi everyone! We’re back!

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So I saw my eye doctor yesterday and my corneal abrasion has healed, yayyyyy! I can wear contacts again! Double yay! He wants me to use eye drops for the next week which is fine, just to add some extra lubrication to my eye, no big deal. I’m very glad that it has healed up because I need my eyes to function! (As in, more than the average bear, because of the ears not working, ha!)

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If you need a cuteness pick-me-up, presenting….Adso! (AKA, the Outlander cat)

And if you need more cute, here’s Patty:

On her baptism say. She looks…..unsure. :) My godson, however, was baptized while he was having a bottle! :)

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Business: There’s a patreon. Check it out! Trying to build another income stream and I am so grateful for all my readers and patrons! Once you’re a writer that doesn’t mean you’re rolling in dough. I get my royalty checks once a year (September and March), and I do have to pay taxes (25%!!!!) on my royalties. So. More income streams are good! Thanks for considering.

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Pro tip: Don’t try to knit anything when you don’t normally wear glasses and you’re suddenly wearing them all the time. I’ll be so glad to get back to my knitting ASAP!

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The gallbladder is healing very well, my surgeon is quite pleased. :) I see my transplant clinic folk onMonday so let’s hope all is well there….I will update you when I get back.

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One of my favorite Marian devotions is the Seven Sorrows Chaplet. Have you heard of it? Read about it and pray it, especially since September is devoted to Our Lady of Sorrows!

If you would like a seven sorrows chaplet, this is where I got mine (she’s a local lady who does beautiful work!)

Seven Quick Takes--Easter Friday

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HE IS RISEN! Wooooo!

Let’s try to party as much as we can? OK?

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Little bit of business first—Ave Maria Press is shipping books again, and my book is on sale!

The book’s sale price is $9, so grab a couple, stock up! Or buy some other great books—Joyful Momentum , Pray Fully, and Giving Thanks and Letting Go, are other great reads!

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On the blog this week:

Wednesday Notebook #5

Emily Knits a Cardigan!

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Whew, I feel like I have a lot of things to tell you, but I don’t know if I really do! :)

My birthday was last Thursday—Holy Thursday. Obviously we didn’t “go” to Mass. I watched Bishop Barron’s Mass from Santa Barbara—his Masses are captioned, so that’s why I watch those in particular.

There was cake….

There was mucho birthday yarn….

There were other gifts, too, but I didn’t take photos so I’ll have to talk about them next week. :) Maybe I’ll do a whole birthday post so we can have some fun?

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And Easter was weird, too…..I mean, no Mass, for starters. I did watch a Vigil recording at my home parish. BUT—IT IS STILL EASTER. So even though it’s not what we’re used to, the Resurrection still happened. :) We are still Easter people!

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(LONG!)

A couple things that I’ve been thinking about—If we’re all going to be wearing masks for the near future, I, and other hearing impaired folks, are massively screwed, because we read lips. (Well, some of us do!)

Can I just ask—if someone asks you to pull your mask down when you’re talking to them, can you step back and do that? Because otherwise, I really have no idea what you’re saying. In hospital settings my doctors and nurses don’t wear masks, because we end up having a “What did you say?” marathon. It’s just not practical. I’ve seen some pieces that have talked about face time calls or having someone with you to “translate.”

Massive sigh.

Guys. First off, if I had to bring one of my parents to every doctor’s appointment I had, they’d go nuts. And they can’t go to every one. Second, this denies me my agency. I hate to say that because it’s sounds so jargon-ish, but people need to talk to me, not the other people with me. ME. THE PERSON, THE PATIENT.

There are, apparently, masks with clear sections around the lips for lipreading in development. They have to be FDA approved, for starters. And then put into production. And honestly, I don’t think they’re going to be produced for a while yet, because they’re just not a priority.

It is already hard enough for me to get hospitals to email me or talk to people who aren’t me because I can’t use the phone. But if mask wearing becomes super en vogue, a lot of us are really screwed, and I’m going to be either having meltdowns in stores, or I’ll be answering all the wrong questions and looking like an idiot.

I’m trying not to freak out about something that might not happen. But I would ask you all to be aware—if you’re talking to someone and it seems like they’ve really lost the plot, and you’re wearing a mask, chances are they’re hearing impaired.

Oh, and also—and this is just in general—if I ask you to repeat yourself, please do it. Don’t huff about it or be annoyed about it. Just repeat yourself. You don’t need to start with “I said.” And also DO NOT SAY YOU SAID NOTHING. You clearly said something.

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On that note….happy Friday? :) I’ve been watching a lot of the Met Opera live streams. If you’re an opera fan, be sure to check it out. If not, check it out! Tonight is Madama Butterfly, super popular, and a great first opera! Also, this is a gorgeous production.

Seven Quick Takes--Fourth Friday of Lent

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We’ll start with some business. :) First, if you have read my book, please leave a review on Amazon! That helps more people find it (the more reviews, the more it shows up in Amazon “related items” or whatever.)

Second, Ave Maria Press is having an ebook sale, and Living Memento Mori is part of it!

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Last week, as you know, I wrote all about Billy. You have probably seen the post from Monday, where I wrote about his death. Thank you, again, for all the comments, thoughts, and prayers for my friend, her husband, and their little boy. It’s so comforting to know that people are, as Anne Frank said, “really good at heart.”

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Here in Ohio, we’re basically shut down. We’re told to stay inside unless it’s an essential thing—like, you must work, or get groceries or food, or things like that. We can go out to exercise, as well, sot hat’s helpful. But just going out to go out and in groups is, um, discouraged highly. I live alone, so most of my days are spent in my own company, but the hardest thing is not being in contact with people—no hugs. No touching. It’s rough. I mean I’m not a hugely touchy-feely person, but I do like parental hugs! And I haven’t had any in a month (or thereabouts). Sigh. Oh well. It could be worse.

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The knitting is a lot of comfort knitting—I went into my stash and broke it down into types of yarn and then projects I can do with each type. Right now I’ve got two garter stitch scarves going and I’m going to make some washcloths with the stash of cotton dishcloth yarn I have here—why I bought so much, no idea. But knitting keeps my hands busy and it’s nice to have the feeling of getting something done and working on a project with a definitive, easy to see end! :)

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I dunno if we really need more memento mori art, but here’s one of St. Catherine of Siena:

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As far as churches go, we’re shut down at least through April 6, which is Palm Sunday. I would bet that there won’t be public celebrations of Holy Week, which is just….weird. I mean, weirder then Mass not happening publicly. I am very much hoping for streaming services for these. The Triduum liturgies are so beautiful! And my birthday is on Holy Thursday this year! That’s always special and to not have the Mass is just….again, weird. That’s really the only word I can use right now. WEIRD.

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What are you reading, writing, doing, cooking—whatever-ing—during this time? Share your ideas in the comments!

Wednesday notebook

While the COVID 19 virus goes on, I’m going to try to do a Wednesday notebook—a mid-week check in with what I’m doing, reading, watching, and any goodies I find on the internet to share with you. And also let’s have conversation in the comments—how is everyone doing? Let’s get some virtual community!

MAKING:

These brownies from King Arthur Flour are AMAZING. So fudgy. I made them with one cup of chips because that’s all I had—still excellent.

Their English Muffin Toasting Bread is next up in my baking list.

I’m still working on my elementary wrap in Linen Quill from Purl Soho.

Elementary Wrap and book stack!

READING:

Exalted, by Sonja Corbitt

Revelations of Divine Love, by Julian of Norwich

The Red Lotus, by Chris Bohjalian (about…..a pandemic…..)

From the Depths of Our Hearts, Benedict XVI and Cardinal Robert Sarah

Making A Life, Melanie Falick

(and of course my book!)

WATCHING:

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (Going to watch all of the Hobbit movies….might as well!)

Knives Out

Links and such:

Social Distancing Tips from a Cloistered Nun (I LOVE Sister Mary Catherine!)

Catholic Coloring Pages and activities for kids!

Magnificat is offering their app for FREE during this—daily Mass readings and other devotions

Maybe have a reset day?

Met Opera streaming!

Illness & Piety

The second station: Jesus Carries His Cross

A lot of dioceses are dispensing their Catholics from attending Mass; some are shutting their churches completely. It’s a strange time to be Catholic in America—what do we do without Mass?

We know that we are required to attend Mass unless we are sick, find ourselves really far from Mass, or for other big reasons (you’ve got a sick kid and you have to stay home to take care of her). Not attending Mass is a mortal sin, but, like all mortal sins, that means there are three criteria for it: Grave matter, full knowledge, and deliberate consent.

If you live in a diocese where the bishop has dispensed you from attending Mass, you’re not committing a mortal sin if you don’t go. We don’t know a lot about this virus. What we do know is that a person can have zero symptoms and be contagious! That’s scary.

Even before the dispensation came down from Ohio’s Catholic bishops, my transplant team had told me that they didn’t want me going to Mass. Was I super pleased with this idea? No. Am I listening to them? yes.

To me, this is very like life right after my transplant. I didn’t attend Mass for three months, because I was severely compromised. To go would not have been a good thing. (And also, it was an uncomfortable thing. Most Catholic churches have wooden pews. When you weigh 90 pounds, your bones really feel that wood, let me tell ya.)

I am being obedient to my doctors, and not going. My health is important and I know they want what is best for us.

I’ve seen some people talking about how our physical health isn’t more important than our spiritual health. This is true—but, that doesn’t mean that we should be reckless. There are saints who were told not to do so many penances, that they were being too hard on their bodies. It’s a balance.

I am NOT suggesting that we skip Mass just for the fun of it. I am saying that at this time it’s important to think about other people at Mass. (And really, all the time…)

People like me aren’t going. But that doesn’t mean that there won’t be people at Mass who take care of immunocompromised people, or work with them. If they get sick, that’s a big problem. So let’s remember basic good practices.

If you’re sick, don’t shake hands at the sign of peace! Use hand sanitizer. Cover your cough. Leave some space between yourself and other parishioners, so you don’t run the risk of getting them sick. If you have the flu, stay home!

The criteria I use to determine how sick I am is thus: If I would miss work, then it’s fine for me to stay home. If someone said, let’s go to Chuy’s, and I wouldn’t go because I feel awful, then I’m sick enough to not go to Mass.

I can see why some bishops are closing churches—because people aren’t doing what is right and prudent. They’re going to Mass and spreading germs everywhere, in flu season, all the time. This is not cool, folks. Use the best practices I outlined above all the time, not just now!

Also, Masses still happen with out a congregation. Carthusian monks, for example, say Mass everyday without a congregation. I imagine that priests will still say Mass, even if the church is empty.

So, what can you do if your dioceses has shut your churches, or if you are staying home from Mass?

• We can make a spiritual communion. This is important!

• We can read the Mass readings (Magnificat is offering its app for free right now—daily Mass readings and devotional readings every day!)

• We can pray the rosary, or parts of the Liturgy of the Hours.

• We can perform spiritual reading.

In this time, you might want to check on your neighbors who are sick or older, and see if you can do anything for them to help them out. Maybe you could pick up their groceries for them or something, or put gas in their car.

Just because we can’t get to Mass doesn’t mean that we can’t still practice our faith. Yes, the Mass is the source and summit of our lives. Yes, it’s vital.

But sometimes life intervenes and we can’t worship the way we’d like to. I’ve experienced that a lot in my life.

St. Teresa of Avila once received instructions from God to build her convent somewhere. Her bishop then told her to build her convent somewhere else. Teresa obeyed the bishop, because she knew she owed obedience to him. She said later, when God asked her about this, that she knew her bishop was telling her what to do and she owed him obedience; she might have imagined what God told her to do. (This story was in the book Be Holy. I’m paraphrasing here.)

Keep calm, guys, and carry on—and PRAY. Don’t rage against your bishop and take offense. Pray. If you can go to Mass, weigh if it’s prudent for you and your family. If you go, act responsibly—don’t crowd pews, cover your cough, don’t shake hands at the sign of peace, etc.

The important thing is to pray, even if you can’t get to Mass.

Seven Quick Takes--Second Friday of Lent

Linking up with Kelly!

I took this picture before Mass last week—I couldn’t resist the light.

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On the blog this week:

Virus Lent

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There’s a story about St. Teresa of Avila and Lent that I think is a propos. She once had a great program of Lenten penances planned. She was going to do everything. It was going to be great!

Then she was sick. For all of Lent. And she complained to the Lord about this. “Lord, I had so many great penances to offer you,” etc.

“This is my Lent for you,” He told her.

Looks like, no matter what our penances and plans were, we’re getting the Lent that Jesus wants for us right now.

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Like I wrote in my last post, I’m essentially living like I did right after my transplant—not really leaving my house, people coming to me. I’m not actually opposed to this, but what makes it scary for me is that the world around me is caught up in it, too. Whenever I’ve been sick before, there’s always been some sense of normalcy around me to cling to—school went on, I could go to the movies when I felt better, etc.

Now, nothing’s normal. Here, schools are closed starting Monday. The bishops’ conference of Ohio has dispensed us all from the obligation to attend Mass—and I wasn’t going to do that anyway, on the advice of my doctors. It’s just weird.

Last night after dinner I went and stood on my porch for a minute. It was a lovely night—the sun was setting, it was warm, I could hear the train coming through town. But it felt so eerily calm, like it does before a big storm.

All that to say, that it’s a weird time.

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If you’re in the same boat I am and can’t go to Mass, make a spiritual communion! And also try to keep the Sabbath holy—which we should be doing anyway, but if nothing else, this gives us time to really use Sunday as a day of rest. We all need rest right now! There are no sports to watch, and probably no sports games to go to. There’s nothing else. So let’s bring back the Sabbath! Let’s live it! (book recommendation: Souls at Rest.)

And also, let’s pray with our families! We should be doing that anyway, but let’s bring it back, because man do we all need prayer right now! (Book recommendation: The Little Oratory)

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If we’re doing book recs, um, mine? :)

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So while I’m here in my cloister I’ve made a list of things to do—writing, of course, so there will be ore writing here on the blog! I’m going to do the long awaited Outlander and Catholicism series, so be on the lookout for that! I’ll also be writing about illness and virtue—how we practice faith in times like this—and I’ll be doing a post on St. Damien of Molokai, who seems appropriate right now.

I’m also going to be baking a lot—mostly bread. I’ve been wanting to get in to the habit of making my own bread, and now I have the time to do it….and I also have time to knit like a crazy person. I have all this time…of course there is prayer, also. Lenten practices are still going. And cleaning the house, of course.

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I’ll also be watching a lot of movies, starting with the Hobbit series, because, why not, and also Knives Out, which I never saw in the theaters but am excited to watch now. I have to have some exciement, right?

Virus Lent

My porch, enjoying some nice late winter sun!

OK, NO, I AM NOT SICK.

So if you were worried about that, relax. :)

However, my team is being abundantly cautious, so I am essentially living like I did immediately post-transplant, which means I”m not really going anywhere and no one sick can come to me. Which is actually the general rule, but now it’s just more….heightened. Fortunately my family members who are local work from home and don’t travel much, except my sister in law, but her travel is domestic and so far she’s fine (thankfully!).

So, for me, no Mass. No My Fair Lady on Saturday (sadness!). No doctor appointments like my diabetes education class. And I’m fine: I mean I’ve got the things I need here to keep the house going and clean, to keep myself fed and medicated.

Which brings me to—-

If you have any burning issues that you want me to write about, let me know because now I have time! :) I think my long-thought-about Outlander and Catholicism series might finally take flight!

I am hoping to keep my adoration hour. I chose it because I am the only one there at the time, and if I’m not going to Mass then I want to be at adoration. Also there are enough seats in there that we don’t have to be cheek and jowl, so there’s plenty of SPACE, and I can wipe down chairs and such with wipes if I want to/have to.

My diocese hasn’t—as of this writing (3/12 at 12:31 PM) cancelled Masses. So Masses are still going on.The governor is limiting big events with crowds and I think he’ll probably come out with an order about that today, banning big gatherings and such to prevent the spread. So far in Ohio we’ve got four cases—three in Cleveland and one in Summit County, which is near Cleveland. I don’t blame the governor for wanting to be cautious.

Let’s keep each other in prayer and let’s be smart, OK? Don’t go to Mass if you’re sick at all. Don’t shake hands at the sign of peace! Don’t crowd people at Mass—let’s give each other room, if at all possible.

I hope we all come through this OK. Praying for all of you—pray for me too? :)

Seven Quick Takes Jumble Bag

linking up with Kelly!

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Around these parts this week…

Yarn Along

My interview for the Ave Explores Lent Podcast is live!

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I’ve started Bullet Journaling again—I’ve missed how it keeps all my lists and various things together, so I’m back to doing that. It’s fun! At least I think it is. I’m a big believer in having my life in one place. I still use my Emily Ley Simplified Planner, but my bullet journal is a place to keep my lists, medical information, travel plans, all sorts of things like that in one place as opposed to scattered throughout the house on pieces of paper.

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Trying to get back in the workout groove—I’ve worked out three days this week so far and hoping I can do it today. I’m just so darn tired. Maybe it’s the weather? It’s really gray here. Hopefully I’ll perk up in a little bit and manage to do something!

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Next Saturday I’m going to see the touring production of My Fair Lady and I am really excited about that. I haven’t been to a show in forever. Really. And I’ve never seen My Fair Lady on stage. So I’m excited about that!

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Favorite thing I’ve cooked this week: Outlander KItchen’s Scotch Broth. Give it a try, it’s really good! (If you can’t find pot or pearl barley, you can use quinoa or couscous instead!) And it’s so not hard. It cooks for a while—so it takes awhile—but it’s mostly hands-off cooking.

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A photo I took last week of Venus and the moon:

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How’s your Lent going? Did we all make it through the first week OK? :)

A Little Retrospective: A Decade Past

After reading Erin Napier’s journal post on a decade in the rearview, I felt inspired to do my own, and honestly, these last ten years of my life have been pretty nuts, and thus worthy of a retrospective!

Here we go….

2010: Five Years Into It

In 2010, I hit my five year transplant anniversary, which I celebrated by doing the show Oliver! I went to Duck for the second time with my parents and my sister and enjoyed it just as much as I had the first time I went with Tiffany and her family in 2008. I was blogging but I didn’t have this site yet. I knew I wanted to write a book , but at the time it was sort of an ephemeral idea with me writing a few things here and there.

2011: Unbreak my heart

The year began with The Importance of Being earnest, and heart issues. I had Afib/SVT—we never really figured out which—which led to an admit in January and a second ablation at OSU in April, but I was released before my birthday, continuing my streak of not being in the hospital for my birthday. I did Ragtime that summer, we went to Williamsburg, VA, for family vacation and I loved it. I also moved into Barton Cottage (the townhouse) that year.

2012: New Job

I moved to the Clerk’s office after the 2012 elections, was in The House of Bernarda Alba, and was still writing. I turned 30! :)

2013: So much travel

I went to NYC for my first Jeopardy! audition and saw Once with my cousin Jack. We had a lot of fun that trip. I went to Disney World with my dad and was in Les Miserables that summer and And Then There Were None in the fall.

2014: The last working year

I began the process of taking disability retirement from the Senate, because working full-time was just not working with what my body needed. March 14 was my last day, and I saw The Phantom of the Opera that night with my friend Mary. I went back to Disney World with Dad , was in The Music Man and Hello, Dolly! and made life promises as a Lay Dominican.

2015: Getting it all on paper

I began the process of writing The Book by getting my entire story on paper, thus creating the very first complete draft. Edel 2015 was awesome—I spent my 10th anniversary there and was interviewed by Hallie Lord and Jen Fulwiler for Jen’s radio show. It was a great experience! I had my second Jeopardy! audition in Boston. Dad and I ate at Legal Seafood, Cheers, and a great Italian Restaurant in the North End. I also set up this website! So it’s five years old this year!

2016: Jeopardy!

I was in the hospital in January with pneumonia (booo!) but went to SoCal in April (yay!) to be on Jeopardy!

2017: Digging into my writing

I attended the Making Things Happen Conference and made great progress in my writing from that. I started writing and editing for Take Up & Read. We went to Williamsburg and Duck for vacation!

2018: Working

I started sending out book proposals….and more proposals….and more proposals…..My brother got married!

2019: Gold, Jerry, Gold!

I got my contact with Ave Maria Press, wrote the book in about three months, and my sister got married in Colorado. I was in the hospital when my book cover was revealed and pre-orders opened! And I moved to Orchard House! Oh, and Dad and I went to a Blue Jackets playoff game—another thing I could check off my bucket list! :)

2020: The book!!

The book was published. I’m going to New York in April. And it’s my 15 year anniversary in July.

Also coming up: Seeing My Fair Lady with Dad in March!

Woooooo!

Living in a World of Octobers

On Saturday Mom and Dad and I went to Granville, a small town about a half hour from where we live, and spent the afternoon there. There were delicious juicy burgers, parents with their kids, custard, some sketching (yay!), and delights at a stationery store.

October has been particularly beautiful this year in Ohio, and I’m glad that despite everything else that’s going on and driving me crazy, that the beauty is all around and there to be enjoyed and drunk up.

(Isn’t that last picture a shot of stereotypical small town America? School bus, church, changing leaves….)

On the Ninth Day of Christmas....

Hi everyone! Happy New Year!

It’s STILL CHRISTMAS! Do not take down the tree! RESIST! (Unless you have a real one, which has become a fire hazard. Then, of course, get rid of it. But there are advantages to having a fake one, like my $20 Target tree….)

The ninth day of Christmas was always my favorite as a kid, because in the song it’s “Nine ladies dancing” and that just gave me a nice image. Also, my mom’s Christmas china has the twelve days of Christmas illustrated on the dessert plates, and “Nine Ladies Dancing” is the prettiest, so I always wanted that one. My mom, being a piper (she played bagpipes in high school!), is partial to the 11 pipers piping, obviously.

(I need to take pictures of the plates so you can see them! They really are gorgeous. I have 12 days of Christmas ornaments, but not the whole set yet—Hallmark is releasing them one a year, and they’re only up to ‘8 maids a-milking’.)

Anyway, how is your Christmas season going? Did you do anything fun? Are you enjoying wallowing in the Christmas books you got, like me? :) (Seriously, SO MANY this year, it’s an overflow of riches.)

Coming up here on the blog is a yarn along post about blocking (I know that thrills the non yarn people among you, but guys, it makes a HUGE difference, so it’s for the fabric-oriented), goals for 2019, and some writing updates…..but I just wanted to pop in and say hi with this entry.

And share this little guy’s picture, because he’s adorable. Did you have breakfast with Cookie Monster last week?

Re-set for Advent

Does this week seem weird to anyone else? Like, there’s all this extra time? I’m so used to going right from Thanksgiving into December that this week has been throwing me off. Don’t get me wrong, I like the extra time, but it means that everything is being done early chez moi. For example, I usually send out my Christmas cards after Thanksgiving—I actually mail them on Thanksgiving, usually—so having them arrive at places before December 1 hits is just weird this year.

Decorations at my parents’ house—this is the front hall.

My shopping is done. I’m mailing out the gifts that need mailed and the things that need wrapped need wrapped. I’m not a great wrapper so I tend to delay it for as long as possible. :)

Thanksgiving was quiet, which was nice, because Christmas is nuts in my family. We have our big family reunion two days after Christmas, and then I’ve got friends coming home for the holidays so I want to spend time with them, and it’s just a big joyful crazy time, which I love.

With the “extra'“ time this week, I’ve been doing a bit of a reset. I read about reset days here (yes, it’s a guys’ website, but it’s good info!), and on Monday, I decided to do this. Being knocked out for two weeks because of Crazy Med made me lose a lot of time in November and I’m still not completely caught up on things like housekeeping and my NaNo novel but it’s all good.

So I used the “reset” day to reset before Advent (I like how that rhymes, too). Cleaning the house is part of it, but also getting ready for Advent—decorating the house, putting out the wreath, things like that. Making a big to-do list was really helpful.

An ornament I made in 8th grade art class.

I love Advent. I love the sense of preparation, and December is really the only time of the year that I like snow. Every other time it’s sort of meh. (That’s putting it mildly)

But I like the New Year aspect of Advent, too, because it is the new year for us, and I like the freshness, the starting over, the hope that comes in Advent.

So if you need a reset day too, you’re not alone. Let’s get ready for a new year, a fresh start, and the coming of the Baby Jesus!

Being authentic

Authors these days have to have a “platform”, which basically means a blog, social media presence, things like that. And if I’m being honest, this is the hardest part for me. I sucked at selling Girl Scout cookies, so selling myself is even harder.

Some of the advice given to people who are creating platforms talks about “curation”, about talking about only a few topics, about having a consistent look across all platforms. Some of that makes sense. And some of it….doesn’t.

When you read what I write here, I hope it comes across as authentic. I hope it comes across like we’re talking over coffee or something. I share, because I want to, and I share all the things I like, not just things in a few topics. My IG feed lately has been yarn and books and flowers, because I love those things, but sometimes I take silly pictures of stuffed Darth Vaders at Hallmark, because it makes me laugh.

I want to be real. This is how I am. I want to think that if you met me in person, you’d know me; you wouldn’t be shocked to find out how I feel about being Catholic, or that I love kids, or that I am a Jane Fan Girl, or that I love hockey.

I don’t want to worry about curating myself on social media. I want to show you what’s real. That doesn’t mean I share everything, because the Internet is not my diary, guys. :) But I do try to show the good and the bad, because a big part of what I do is tied into health stuff—and I want to show you what that is, reasonably. I don’t blog about every single doctor appointment I have. I don’t IG selfies of myself in a waiting room or in surgery waiting, because to me, that’s sort of private. But I’ll certainly write about it later.

I love squishy yarn!!

I won’t share everything about my life, that’s for sure. Because, you know, privacy is cool. But at the same time, I want to be authentic with my readers. And that means talking about all sorts of things, not just what I want to “curate”.

Med-sanity!

Seriously, who would get mad at this guy?

One of the things I hate about mental health issues is that it’s so easy to freak out when you feel yourself starting to slide. It’s so gradual, that it can be just a few little things, and then suddenly you have a day like I had today, where if the World’s Cutest Corgis came into my yard, I would’ve flown into murderous rage.

Seriously.

I was so unhinged all day, and if I had to pinpoint it, it would’ve started on Sunday, when I go so angry at the Steelers that I was yelling and swearing and generally losing it. But today, when I wanted to bite the head off any human being I encountered, including my super sweet and wonderful boss, I started to think, waaaaait a minute…..

I ran through the regular triggers. I’d been sleeping amazingly. So that wasn’t it.

I had a Diet Coke, and some Earl Grey. If it was a caffeine/sugar issue, that would fix it. No go. (I put milk and sugar into my Earl Grey, for the record.)

I had some dark chocolate in the house and had a piece of “emergency chocolate.” Nope.

Wait a minute…..maybe it’s……the skin cancer med.

I looked up the side effects online, and there it was: mood disorders (anxiety, depression, etc.)

BINGO.

Now, just knowing that I’m not going crazy—literally—is very helpful.

But in the all and all, I’d rather have physical side effects, because then you can take something. Nausea? Vomiting? Phenergan! Pain? We got stuff for that! Can’t sleep! Meds!

This, nothing I can do except ride it out until Halloween when the course is finished.

I’m already on anti-anxiety meds (since I was 16), so….can’t do anything about that, and even if I wasn’t, it can take awhile for the meds to build up in the system, so it wouldn’t really help, most likely.

So, while the med is just a cream, apparently it’s tres potent, and after not even a week….oh well.

I can hang in there. It’s just nice to know I wasn’t entirely losing my mind. But I think I might hide in my hobbit hole for a few days so I don’t take the head off anyone who doesn’t use their turn signal. :-p

#22 Jenny Colgan

I adore Jenny Colgan books. They take place in England/Scotland, and they are just so snuggly. I mean, who else writes about a character who has a PUFFIN for a pet? Seriously, people. And there are recipes in each book.

So when I was having a GRUMPTASTIC day, I realized there was a new Jenny Colgan book out. I went and got it. And made tea.

Reading Jenny Colgan makes days better. Any day.