Emily M. DeArdo

author

transplant,Seven Quick Takes

Seven Quick Takes--Fifteen years, and a signed book sale!

7 Quick Takes, organ donation, transplantEmily DeArdoComment
seven quick takes.jpg

-1-

On the blog this week:

COVID and lung function!


-2-

The big news is that it’s my fifteenth transplant anniversary!


Fifteen years, folks!

As I write this, 15 years ago it was my last day with my “old” (or factory original?) model lungs. It was a long, hot, HOT day. (Hot like this summer has been hot) I woke up feeling very, very, tired and very beat. I ended the day feeling….well, mixed feelings.

It’s always mixed feelings, right? Because for me to live, Suzanne—my donor—died. She died of a brain aneurysm and her brother gave the OK for her organs to be donated, and she saved my life.

I will repeat the call I repeat every year. If you are not an organ donor, please, be one? Every major religion supports organ donation. (Yes, including the Catholic Church….) If you have any questions, here are some FAQs.


-3-

Here’s a list of what’s happened in fifteen years:

Both my siblings got married

My parents celebrated their fortieth wedding anniversary, and my grandma turned 90!

My godson graduated from college

I have a new goddaughter!

I wrote a book…..(more on a special sale a bit further down)

7nW7IqTKRbWaxdtee88jCQ.jpg


I’ve been able to do some pretty awesome theater

I’ve made new friends and traveled to new places

I did that Jeopardy thing

I’ve traveled to lots of states—traveling was so hard pre-transplant!

I became a Lay Dominican

I wrote an ebook

I’ve spent time with people—family, friends, new family and new friends!

And really, time is the important thing. That’s the gift.

67769846_10156761496533089_9083466453599911936_o.jpg
67627654_10156761502043089_4730419753670148096_o.jpg


IMG_7217.JPG


Winning trivia night

Winning trivia night

My first hockey playoff game!!! (And they won!)

My first hockey playoff game!!! (And they won!)

Me and Di at Christmas

Me and Di at Christmas

Visiting Williamsburg has definitely been one of my favorite things. And learning to knit with the wool of these sheep!

Visiting Williamsburg has definitely been one of my favorite things. And learning to knit with the wool of these sheep!

Mel and I on the beach on Galveston

Mel and I on the beach on Galveston

-4-

OK, so not 7 today, four but we’ll end with: SIGNED BOOK SALE!

Until Sunday at midnight EST (7/12/20), I’m selling SIGNED copies of Living Memento Mori for $15! That’s $5 off the regular price. You get shipping, inscription of your choice (as in I’ll dedicate it to someone or to you!), and a specially designed prayer card and bookmark!

Want one? Email me!


Living Memento Mori_SOCIAL MEDIA_3_1080x1080.jpg


Have a great weekend everyone!


Seven Quick Takes--the June Finish Line!!!!

7 Quick Takes, health, transplantEmily DeArdo1 Comment
seven quick takes.jpg

-1-

OK so first, here’s a lovely interview I did with my friend and fellow author Andrea Green Burton!

-2-

Oh my goodness folks. It’s been Doctor Month around here, but I am so glad to be done. Done done DOOOOOONE!

A picture of the New Resort!

A picture of the New Resort!


Behold, the NEW RESORT.

My new clinic is beneath the walkway bridge you see in this photo on the left. Hi clinic! :)

So, last week I had my first round of Yearly Transplant Testing at the new resort. This was not here, it was at another building slightly off campus. (OSU is very very large)

Here’s what I had done:

PFTs—spirometry (aka, basic PFTs where we check how much lung function I have), a gas diffusion test (which tells you how various gasses diffuse in my lungs and such) and another test called “the box” (where you sit…in a box), and to be honest I’m not entirely sure what that does. I want to say it measures tidal volume or something like that, but I only do it once a year, so….

I met a new respiratory tech (RTs). She was nice. At the time I didn’t know this, but now I know that my PFTs and chest X-rays and blood work will all be happening at this building, so I ‘ll probably get very familiar with the RTs, infusion nurses (because blood work=port access=infusion clinic!), and radiologists here! The building is pretty nice, and it has food, so that’s a good thing, and free parking.

Anyway, PFTs were fine/good. So yay there.

The Six Minute Walk, which I was sort of dreading. Basically a course of a certain length in a hallway is marked and you just walk around the two cones that mark the ends, doing laps for six minutes while your oxygen saturation (sats) are checked via a pulse ox. I was i the normal range, hallelujah!!!! I was really nervous about this test because, you know, haven’t really been getting out all that much….

Then I had a CT scan, which was fine except for two things—one, they had me move on my stomach for some of them, which was uncomfy because I’m a stomach breather and so I couldn’t really hold my breath that well or that long and they kept doing them back to back, so I couldn’t really catch my breath, and two, they just shoved me back out in the hospital without letting me stop to put my bra back on. WEIRD.

So I had to go into the bathroom and, you know, get dressed again. (I had my shirt on, just not my bra. So, weird.)

-3-

OK so after this, I went to another building for the cardiology tests. I was really early—we were booking it today—but once they adjusted to a patient being early, they took me early. I had an ECHO which I loathe with all my being because it HURTS having someone push a transducer INTO YOUR RIBS. For a half hour!

But we ended the day with an EKG, which was fine. Both these tests were fine. SO YAY WINNING AT LIFE.


-4-

And then I went and got lunch at a French cafe and sketched! (Yes, I wore a mask. There was no one in the dining room. Everyone was out on the patio or in the little bar because it was a really nice day, so I had the whole dining room to myself and I sketched and had quiche lorraine and a chocolate croissant and it was LIFE.)

See? NO ONE AROUND.  Also social distancing markers!!!!

See? NO ONE AROUND. Also social distancing markers!!!!

-5-

OK so, that was Friday, which was also my daddy’s birthday. And then mom’s birthday was on Monday. So here are my cute parents:

kLUSrlTzSFqjm5SOCjSeBA.jpg


and their 41st wedding anniversary is on Tuesday! And that’s also my grandma’s NINETIETH birthday!!!!!

(here’s grandma)

At my sister’s wedding last year in Estes Park, CO.

At my sister’s wedding last year in Estes Park, CO.

-6-

OK so lots of parties.

Anyway, yesterday, I had my first appointment at the new lung transplant clinic (pictured above!). It was my same doctor, which was great, and my new coordinator is really nice, so I think we’ll get along just great.

The clinic is….weird. Actually, OSU itself is sort of weird, in that it has these programs, but then it doesn’t have ancillary services that they need. Like, they have a ton of immunocompromised patients, because they have a huge cancer center and transplant section, but there’s no special waiting room for us in the ER.

So, yeah. Why.

Also, the waiting room is basically in the hospital’s atrium, which also makes me go…..why. That doesn’t seem awesome. It’s also incredibly noisy so it makes it very hard for the hearing impaired like moi!

ANYWAY.

Eventually I will adjust to these things.

So the way it works now is I will still be seen every three months. Clinics are in the afternoon, so a few days before my appointment I’ll go to the other offices in the AM for blood draws, PFTs, and chest x-rays (CXRs). Then I have clinic. And we’ll go from there. I do sort of like not having both on the same day.

I will also meet at least one other doctor in the clinic so that someone else has met me and is familiar with all my specialness! :)

(See: CF. Menopause. CI that counter indicates MRIs. Port. Hearing loss! Anemia! Weird diabetes!)

We asked questions, we got answers, and Dad went with me too so he has also met the new folk and seen the clinic.

Also, there is plentiful parking at this location! YAY!!!!! (and it’s free for patients! DOUBLE YAY!)

So now, I’m done with doctor appointments until like, September, and I rejoice in this, and will now take a long weekend to recover from all the madness of the past month! :)


Seven Quick Takes--Doctor Week

7 Quick Takes, transplant, healthEmily DeArdo6 Comments
seven quick takes.jpg

-1-

OK so, this isn’t really going to be a quick takes, I don’t think, it’s really going to be more of a “this is what happened in Emily’s world!” this week. :)


-2-

MONDAY

I contacted my endocrinologist b/c I think, per usual, that we changed too many things about my insulin at one time and it was MAKING ME CRAZY.

Really. It was “Emily hates the world for no apparent reason and also WANTS TO CRY FOR NO APPARENT REASON.”

Not fun.

So yeah, we made a few small tweaky things—as in, we’re just slowing down the insulin train. Hopefully that will help. (And will also help my weight….sigh….because yeah, I HATE gaining weight b/c of insulin adjustments. HATE IT.


-3-

Time to visit my ENT!

While in the waiting room, I snapped this picture!

H8lxkL1QTw2UrOg2iX+ntg.jpg


First, yes, those are lovely old school Resort face masks, because TEDDY BEARS!!!!

Second, that’s how you wear a mask! It must cover your nose! It must adjust to your face!

Please don’t be stupid. If you’re gonna wear a mask, wear it properly.

Anyway, the ENT was fine. Thank goodness, because I’d had a sinus infection during all this and apparently it left nothing but a little bit of “debris” (his word) that we got rid of. Yay!

-4-

Wednesday: Dermatologist! Apparently she wants me to use some sort of cream on my arms. So I’m waiting for that to be delivered, but the good news is that we didn’t see any sort of new skin cancers, so yay there!

-5-

Today was book club. I’ve also been really sore all week because of the new workout I’m doing. It’s ROUGH. I mean it’s hard cardio, so the legs are adjusting, but cranky.

-6-

And finally, (so 6, not 7, takes) tomorrow I have all my yearly transplant tests at the New Resort and I’m a little nervous about that. One, because I don’t know if people will take off their masks to talk to me. Two, I’ll have to explain all sorts of things to these people. Like, my PFTs are generally a little weird. They’ve always been that way. Etc. Third, I’ve actually had respiratory techs yell at me because I haven’t been able to do the tests “properly”. Um…..I’m doing the best I can here!!!!!! So yeah, I’m afraid of new techs.

The tests will take all day (full PFTs, 6 minute walk test—UGH, dreading this—a CT scan, and then an EKG and an Echo.). Afterwards I head to my parents’ so we can celebrate my dad’s birthday!

So that’s it from around here! How are you doing?



Seven Quick Takes--June Is Bustin' Out All Over

7 Quick Takes, book club, Catholic 101, Dominicans, health, transplant, women saints seriesEmily DeArdo5 Comments
seven quick takes.jpg

-1-

Since it’s Corpus Christi this weekend….

tolkien eucharist.jpg


Gosh I love Corpus Christi! Of course I’m not going back to Mass yet. So I’ll have to celebrate at home. I might go back to Mass in July. I have a doctor appointment later this month and we’ll talk about those things.

-2-

From the blog this week

Heart Note

I’ve stopped the Wednesday Notebooks—did you like them? Because I can bring them back. Let me know in the comments!

-3-

Also, one of my perennial favorite posts: The Real Lucy Pevensie

-4-

So this week is sort of the “calm before the storm” in a sense. I had nothing scheduled all week. I’ve enjoyed it. :) Next week, however, it gets a little crazy: I see my ENT on Tuesday and I’m really happy about that because man, do things need checked and cleaned out. I see my dermatologist on Wednesday. And on Friday, I have my yearly transplant tests, but they’re at the New Center, so it’ll be….interesting. I mean the tests are all tests I’ve done before. But it’s new people and a new setting and I have no idea how The Mask Thing will go—because usually, medical professionals take them off so I. can understand them. Will that fly here? No idea. Sigh. I’m a little nervous about that.

Friday is also my dad’s birthday! And then my BIL’s birthday is on the 21st, and Mom’s is on the 22nd, and their anniversary (Mom and Dad’s) is the 30th, and that’s also my grandma’s 90th birthday!!! (And my sister and BIL have their anniversary on Saturday!)

whew!

-5-

The week after I have my first appointment at the New Center. Same doctor, but a much larger team—with more doctors as well, so it’ll really be like my old CF center, where you have multiple docs but there’s one who usually follows you. I will report back on how this goes.

-6-

I’m also adjusting my insulin, and wow, whenever I adjust it, my body gets cranky. I had some sort of bug on Tuesday this week, so that’s why no book club. And I’m hungry. Which is normal when you adjust insulin but it doesn’t make me any happier to know that it’s normal!

-7-

Finally some book business!

If you would like a signed copy: They are $20. Email me here. The price includes shipping and book gooides!

If you have a copy and would like a signed book plate, those are $3. Again, email me. You also get book goodies.

I also have an ebook, Catholic 101, that is $5!

Book Club is on THURSDAY next week because of the various doctor appointments. :) So Thursday at 3:00 on my Facebook Writer Page. Previous book club videos are also there, so you can catch up to your heart’s content!

Seven Quick Takes--Second Friday of Lent

7 Quick Takes, Catholicism, books, current events, health, journal, movies, Seven Quick TakesEmily DeArdo2 Comments
I took this picture before Mass last week—I couldn’t resist the light.

I took this picture before Mass last week—I couldn’t resist the light.

-1-

On the blog this week:

Virus Lent


-2-
There’s a story about St. Teresa of Avila and Lent that I think is a propos. She once had a great program of Lenten penances planned. She was going to do everything. It was going to be great!

Then she was sick. For all of Lent. And she complained to the Lord about this. “Lord, I had so many great penances to offer you,” etc.

“This is my Lent for you,” He told her.

Looks like, no matter what our penances and plans were, we’re getting the Lent that Jesus wants for us right now.

-3-

Like I wrote in my last post, I’m essentially living like I did right after my transplant—not really leaving my house, people coming to me. I’m not actually opposed to this, but what makes it scary for me is that the world around me is caught up in it, too. Whenever I’ve been sick before, there’s always been some sense of normalcy around me to cling to—school went on, I could go to the movies when I felt better, etc.

Now, nothing’s normal. Here, schools are closed starting Monday. The bishops’ conference of Ohio has dispensed us all from the obligation to attend Mass—and I wasn’t going to do that anyway, on the advice of my doctors. It’s just weird.

Last night after dinner I went and stood on my porch for a minute. It was a lovely night—the sun was setting, it was warm, I could hear the train coming through town. But it felt so eerily calm, like it does before a big storm.

All that to say, that it’s a weird time.

-4-

If you’re in the same boat I am and can’t go to Mass, make a spiritual communion! And also try to keep the Sabbath holy—which we should be doing anyway, but if nothing else, this gives us time to really use Sunday as a day of rest. We all need rest right now! There are no sports to watch, and probably no sports games to go to. There’s nothing else. So let’s bring back the Sabbath! Let’s live it! (book recommendation: Souls at Rest.)

And also, let’s pray with our families! We should be doing that anyway, but let’s bring it back, because man do we all need prayer right now! (Book recommendation: The Little Oratory)

-5-

If we’re doing book recs, um, mine? :)

-6-

So while I’m here in my cloister I’ve made a list of things to do—writing, of course, so there will be ore writing here on the blog! I’m going to do the long awaited Outlander and Catholicism series, so be on the lookout for that! I’ll also be writing about illness and virtue—how we practice faith in times like this—and I’ll be doing a post on St. Damien of Molokai, who seems appropriate right now.

I’m also going to be baking a lot—mostly bread. I’ve been wanting to get in to the habit of making my own bread, and now I have the time to do it….and I also have time to knit like a crazy person. I have all this time…of course there is prayer, also. Lenten practices are still going. And cleaning the house, of course.

-7-

I’ll also be watching a lot of movies, starting with the Hobbit series, because, why not, and also Knives Out, which I never saw in the theaters but am excited to watch now. I have to have some exciement, right?


How to be your own health care advocate

CF, essays, health, how to, transplantEmily DeArdoComment
doctor patient.jpeg

Today I’m going to share some hard won wisdom with you!

A friend of mine who also has CF said that we’re the “marines of health care.” And that’s true. We’ve had decades of experience working closely with doctors, hospitals, and medication regimens. And what we think of as obvious is not so obvious to the rest of humanity.

So I’m going to share some tips with you today to help you have better health!

I’m going to start with what is probably the most important tip:

Know your baseline.

What I mean by that is know yourself. How do you normally feel? What’s your general energy level? How much sleep do you normally need—and get—and what do you feel best with? (For me, it’s about nine hours.) How does caffeine affect you? (Or doesn’t it?)

All these things are your baseline—how you normally feel when you’re healthy and everything is chugging along just fine. This even includes stuff like how many times you normally go to the bathroom. (I’m not kidding. For a diabetic, this is important to know—and same with CF.)

You might not have thought about this before, but when you feel “off”, it’s because you’re unconsciously comparing your state to how you normally feel—aka, your baseline.

For example, my right hip tends to bother me on and off. It’s not a big deal, I’m aware of it, it’s been checked out. But if it suddenly became really painful, that would be an anomaly.

I knew that my blood glucose was really high, without even testing it, when I was dropping weight really easily and going to the bathroom more often, and carrying water around with me. Those are all not normal feelings for me.

Knowing how you feel—both physically and emotionally and mentally-is key to judging if something is wrong with you.

I knew that the type of insulin I was on over the summer was wrong for me—on a lot of levels—because I became a really awful person! I was snappy and lost my temper at everything and just hated everything, and this is not me!

So you have to know how you feel normally, so you know how you feel when you’re sick, or when something is off.

All drugs have side effects

The questions are: will you get side effects, and if you do, how bad are they?

People are generally shocked to hear that meds can cause problems. Yes, they can. Heck, water can cause problems if you drink too much of it. If you take too much Tylenol, your kidneys are not gonna be happy with you!

Every medication has side effects. Not every person will experience any, or all, of them.

But a side effect alone is not enough to not take the med.

For example: I used to take cipro for infections. People were always shocked. “Don’t you know that class of meds can cause tendon issues?!” they would cry.

Well, yes, I did (do) know that. But the thing is, I didn’t have a choice. This was what I had to take so, to be honest, I didn’t die.

I lost my hearing because of ototoxic meds. That was a choice we made, so I would not die.

Now, I can’t take cipro or any drugs in its class anymore, because my tendons are starting to get weird with it. I can’t tolerate it anymore. So that means I have fewer options for when I get sick.

I take prednisone daily. I have taken it for 15 years and I will take it until I die. It’s what’s causing all my blood glucose issues. But I can’t not take the pred. I tried to go off it. My body hated it. My joints, in particular, were not really happy. I take nexium, a proton pump inhibitor, even though I know it might cause bone issues and all sorts of other things, but reflux can lead to cancer and rejection, so, again—balancing act. I take immunosuppression meds, because I have to to stay alive, even though it ups my cancer risk by about a factor of ten, especially skin cancer.

Sometimes you start a med, have a rough few days, and then your body adjusts. Pre-transplant, I was on bactrim and cipro and a million other meds every day. At first, this was rough. Eventually, I got used to it.

The lesson here is, if you’re having side effect from a med, and it’s severe, then you need to talk to your doctor about it—especially if you’re having any sort of depression, anxiety, or suicidal ideation. Then, you must call your doctor IMMEDIATELY. This isn’t something to mess around with. Stop the med, talk to the doctor, figure out another plan! There are lots of meds out there! Find what works for you!

You have to be aware of how a med affects you. That goes back to knowing your baseline.

But yes, when you are taking a medication, your body might not like it. That doesn’t mean that it’s a bad drug. It just isn’t working for you, and that’s fine.

If you want to know the side effects of a med, they are easily google-able, or you can ask your pharmacist or your doctor. Every time I go to pick up meds, I get asked if I want to talk to the pharmacist about it. EVERY TIME. So, if you want to know, do that!

You have to know your medical history

You—as in, you yourself—must know your medical history. You must know what drugs you take and why. You must know the dosages. You must know what drugs you cannot take (if any). You have to know what is contraindicated for you.

For example: I can’t have MRIs. I can’t have PICC lines (it’s PICC, not PIC. Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter, folks.), because there aren’t any more spots for them! I can’t have zofran because it makes me vomit. These are all things I have learned and I often have to tell medical professionals these things. Because, they don’t know. Or they haven’t read my chart. (grumble grumble.)

My parents know these things as well. I have my med list and issue list on my phone so I can just whip it out in an ER or a new doctor’s office. It is a good idea to have someone else know your medical history so if you have to go somewhere in an emergency, that person can either say, yes, here’s the deal, or, “here it is on her phone.” (Now, for me, anyone who has read the book knows basically all of my medical history, ha!) I don’t expect people to be able to spout off all of it—except my parents, and they can do it—but I do have friends who know, OK, this is the deal. Especially when I travel with people, I have to tell them things that are relevant, like, me and the sun are not friends. I might have to stay inside for certain hours. I have to check my blood sugar. I might need you to get me juice. Etc.

But you have to be your own advocate. You have to say, I’m sorry, I can’t do that—and why. You have to say, I cannot take that med, or have that procedure, or whatever. (For Catholics, this also includes why you’re not taking birth control pills for contraceptive purposes! Not that you need to go all Humane Vitae on the doctor!)

Sometimes you have to talk doctors off ledges. Sometimes I get a new doctor who doesn’t realize I’m genetically anemic (I have thalassemia minor.) He’ll freak out when he sees my iron counts. But I’ve always been anemic, and we don’t do anything about it. It just is. I’m used to it!

And finally….

Be aware of change

Sometimes you’ll be on a med for awhile and you’ll be fine, and then you’ll notice…issues. That can happen. Sometimes a med builds up in your system and then it causes issues that were not apparent in the beginning. (Ototoxic meds, looking at you!) So if you have a chronic condition, you do need to evaluate. Again, know your baseline. Know what you’re being treated for. Sometimes I have to say, guys, this med isn’t working anymore. And we figure out something else.

Essentially, we all have to be aware of how we normally feel, what we’re taking, why we’re taking it, and our own health history. This enables you to be your own best advocate, which is vitally important.

Seven Quick Takes--the 60th of September

7 Quick Takes, Catholicism, CF, health, Seven Quick Takes, the book, transplant, writingEmily DeArdo2 Comments
seven quick takes.jpg

Linking up with Kelly!

-1-

In case you missed it, here’s what’s been going down around these parts this week:

Simplicity Series #1—Reset Day!

Stitch Fix Box #8!


-2-

The reason this post is entitled the 60th of September is because this month has seemed insanely long. Isn’t there a song called “Wake Me Up When September Ends?” That’s how I feel right now. It’s just been so long. And sort of crazy.

One of the big crazy-making things is that I’m in the middle of Doctor Roulette, which I really haven’t written about here, so I probably need to catch you up.


-3-

(If you’re not interested in medical stuff, skip this and go to point four, where I talk about BOOK THINGS!)

So, being post-transplant, and being fourteen years out, is….interesting. Obviously, I am INSANELY GRATEFUL to be at that marker. I am. Never think I’m not. But at the same time, it’s a Brave New World of Medical Stuff, because it’s rare. So when things happen, there’s not a lot of research to go on. There’s just…..talking. And guessing. And seeing what works.

Essentially, all summer we have been messing with insulin, because my blood glucose levels have been off. (I”m trying to keep this as medical jargon free, but when I say this, what I mean is my A1c, not my BGLs. If you’re confused, I can explain in another post, so let me know if you want that much detail into my life!)

So my team decided to put me on some long-acting insulin.

But……that didn’t work. First, it didn’t lower my BGLs, which I was testing twice a day, and second, insulin is a hormone. That means it can affect lots of parts of your body.

For me, that meant—headaches. Not sleeping. Weight gain (DAMN IT), and insanely inappropriate mood reactions. If Big Ben threw an interception I wanted to break things. If someone parked next to me at the supermarket, I became incandescently angry.

This is not appropriate.

And the scariest part for me? Forgetting things. Words. Ideas. What I was doing. This is not good. I rely on my brain, and words are my trade. I can’t be forgetting them! I need to be mentally sharp.

(But you’re never mentally sharp, Emily, says the peanut gallery….)

I did some digging and found out that when you have too much insulin—as in, you have WAY too much, and your body doesn’t need it—this is what happens.

And this is the problem. My body is weird. Not just the transplant weird, but weird for a CF person. I’m what’s called “pancreatically sufficient”, which is rare. It means my pancreas works like a normal person’s, not like a CF person’s. I don’t need to take enzymes to help digest my food, because my pancreas does it. I never had CF related diabetes.

And my A1c starting rising once I hit menopause—so there’s probably a connection there as well.

So, long story short, my team is sort of confused, and I’m seeing an endocrinologist the day before Halloween. That’s one reason I haven’t been writing as much this month, because things have just been crazy, but also my body has been through a lot, and I’m trying to be nice to it. Which means, chilling out, after all the non chilling out. :-P

There are some other issues, too, mainly that I don’t have a great track record when seeing endos, because they look at me and go, you’re really messed up, what do you want me to do about it?

But anyway, that’s at the end of October. Yay.


-4-

in the meantime!

BOOK THINGS!

People are starting to ask for interviews, which is….weird. I mean, good, but weird.

The cover is 99% done. I’ve seen it. I can’t show you yet. If you want to be the first to see it, subscribe to the blog!

It’s really pretty, I like it. :)


-5-

Hockey season starts soon and this makes me very happy!


-6-

I am going on retreat next week, so if you have prayer requests, I am honored to take them with me! Drop them in the combox, or use the contact page.


-7-

IMG_9740.JPG

If you haven’t seen the Word on Fire team’s newest entries in their Pivotal Players series—Fulton Sheen and Flannery O’Connor—I highly recommend them! They’re great! Flannery is a really important influence for me, in how to live as a Catholic and a writer, and I write this quote from her at the beginning of all my journals:


I feel that if I were not a Catholic, I would have no reason to write, no reason to see, no reason ever to feel horrified or even enjoy anything. I am a born Catholic, went to Catholic school in my early years, and have never left or wanted to leave the Church. I have never had the sense that being a Catholic is a limit to the freedom of the writer, but just the reverse. … I feel myself that being a Catholic has saved me a couple of thousand years in learning to write. (The Habit of Being *)


So I love the Flannery film. It was also nice to learn more about soon to be Blessed Fulton Sheen—I had read some of his books, and I knew of him, but the film does a great job fleshing out what I knew.

(Also, in a nice twist, a college friend of mine composed the music for both films. Go Sean!)

And I really don’t think we can improve on Fulton and Flannery, do you? :) Have a great weekend!

*==Amazon Affiliate Link



Seven Quick Takes--Easing Into August

7 Quick Takes, books, food, recipes, Seven Quick Takes, the bookEmily DeArdo2 Comments
seven quick takes.jpg

Linking up with Kelly!

-i-

Hiya, August! Whew!

This summer has been sort of intense, at least June, and then July was sort of decompression, and now it’s August! In some places around here, the kids go back to school in two weeks!

So here’s what going on around Orchard House….

-II-

My city has a farmer’s market every week in the summer and then once a month the rest of the year (it’s indoor then, too). And now I live essentially three minutes away from it, so yesterday I decided to check it out. There’s a vendor that sells meat from his farm! That made me really happy, so I bought a brisket (which I’ve never cooked, but hey, why not), and a pound of ground beef. I also bought tomatoes and candy onions, and I should’ve gotten a LOT more tomatoes so I could make sauce, but…..next week!

Fortunately the market runs weekly through September, so I have two months to stock up on stuff. Looking forward to that.

-III-

I also made a few new recipes this week. I don’t really like to cook in the summer, but somehow in August my brain switches over and says, OK, we can cook now. No idea why. So I’ve made a few good things this week, all Barefoot Contessa recipes: chicken thighs in creamy mustard sauce (I subbed light sour cream for the creme fraiche), Israeli Couscous and Tuna Salad, and Raspberry Crumble Bars.

The topping is granola and some of the shortbread base.

The topping is granola and some of the shortbread base.

-IV-

In book news: I have a copy edited manuscript, and now I have to go over it to see if I want to make any changes (or to catch any glaring errors). So that’s due next week. It’s so weird to re-read what I’ve written…..I hope I don’t think it’s all awful and want to chuck it out. :-p

-V-

We’re in a really busy section of the church year—there are so many feasts and saints’ days in August! And St. Dominic is next week!


-VI-

Here’s a look at the state of the To Read Stack:

WHEW!

WHEW!

-VII-

Also, if you’re looking for some daily spiritual reading, check out A Year With the Mystics. It’s not out until next month, but through an Amazon glitch, I got my pre-ordered copy early!



IMG_9401.JPG

It’s so beautiful, and it’s making for wonderful spiritual reading!

A Chatty Seven Quick Takes

7 Quick Takes, books, knitting, Seven Quick TakesEmily DeArdoComment
seven quick takes.jpg

Linking up with Kelly!

-1-

This is for my musical theater nerds!

I was thinking this week what the best Rodgers and Hammerstein musical is. (show, not film. In that category it’s definitely The Sound of Music, because it’s a fabulous film and I think it makes the original material better.) My vote is for Carousel, by a smidge (because I do like South Pacific); my dad supports South Pacific, and there was a vote for The King and I.

I think Carousel is the best for a few reasons: a fabulous leading man part; four good female roles (Julie, Carrie, Nettie, and Mrs. Mullins); a glorious score; and good use of chorus. The chorus actually has opportunities to do things often, as opposed to The King and I.

Is it perfect? No. I don’t think we need “Stonecutters” (and I think that was axed from the last Broadway revival), the whole “yes, someone can hit you and it doesn’t hurt at all” thing (eeeeek!), and the ballet can be too long. But, I think that we wouldn’t have had West Side Story, or Fiddler, or really any sort of true musical drama, without Carousel.

-II-

I started working with my Colonial Williamsburg yarn this week. Some of you may remember my extra special Yarn Along about that, and it’s taken me two years to figure out what to do with the yarn! So I’m going to do something simple, but, hopefully, historically accurate. I’m making a scarf, with slipped stitch edges, on size 8 needles. I didn’t want to do it on big needles because they didn’t have big (like, size 12) needles in Colonial times, I don’t think. But this yarn is thick, so I couldn’t do it on a small needle, like a size 5 or below. So I thought a scarf would be a practical, Colonial thing, and I have a lot of yarn, so it’ll be nice and long and warm.

The source of my yarn! Leicester Longwool sheep!

The source of my yarn! Leicester Longwool sheep!


-III-

Reading: I read Where the Crawdads Sing, * and I LOVED IT. I really want to discuss it with someone! Highly recommend it.

I’m currently reading about five million things, but I’m also really liking Greek to Me, * because it appeals to two sides of my personality: A love of ancient Greek myth and culture, and word nerdiness. And book nerdiness!

-IV-

A note on the Mueller hearings, but a NON POLITICAL ONE!

One of the things that bothered me about the coverage was that people kept saying that Mueller needed questions repeated, like this was somehow a slam on his intelligence or “with it”-ness.

Guys. No.

I am crazy sensitive about this, because, hello, hearing impaired. I hate asking people to repeat themselves because I know they’re thinking I’m a dim bulb, or not paying attention, or flaky, or something. But really, I want to make sure I understood you!

I don’t know if Robert Mueller is hearing impaired. But I do know that we really, really should stop thinking that if someone asked for something to be repeated, that they’re stupid or cognitively challenged or whatever.

-V-

Nothing new on the book front yet. But please sign up for the mailing list! Then you get all the delicious news first and there might be fun things for subscribers! (Well, there are fun things—two printables I designed—but maybe more than that, who knows!) Sign up!

-VI-

July is like sports doldrums. Sigh. Once Wimbledon is over I just languish until sports pick up again in August. I don’t really like the NBA, and I’m a Pirates fan, so that’s sort of like constant baseball futility, but oh well. August and football will be here soon!

-VII-

I also joined a book club! Well, I’ve done it before. It’s called Well Read Mom, but this time, I looked into joining a group in my area, and there is one! Yay! I really miss discussing books with folks. I’m obviously not a mom, but any lady can join these! I love this book club because it’s not just current lit. There’s spiritual reading, plays, essays, novels….all sorts of things! It delights my little heart. (And this year Little Women is one of the books, which is so appropriate for my Orchard House dwelling soul!) Have you ever joined a book club or wanted to?

*==I’m an Amazon affiliate, so if you buy a book through these links, I get a tinnnny bit of money, which helps keep the lights on over here! :)


Doing The Best You Can With What You Have

CF, health, transplantEmily DeArdo1 Comment
Under the Wave off Kanagawa (Kanagawa oki nami ura), also known as the Great Wave, from the series “Thirty-six Views of Mount Fuji (Fugaku sanjurokkei)”

Under the Wave off Kanagawa (Kanagawa oki nami ura), also known as the Great Wave, from the series “Thirty-six Views of Mount Fuji (Fugaku sanjurokkei)”

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, who, like me, has had some health problems. And we were talking about how the things you do to save your life can later come back and have unplanned consequences.

“I’m dealing with that right now,” I said. We talked a bit more about how frustrating this is—but then we asked, Would we have changed anything?

And the answer is, probably not.

So I thought I’d write about this.

*

After my clinic visits, we always have to wait for blood test results. One of them that we’ve been watching lately is called the A1c, which I talked about in the last post. Basically, it’s a batting average for your blood sugar. And ever since I entered menopause it’s been going up….and up….and up.

This is not good. The more sugar is in your blood, the more that can lead to lots of problems. Problems that I don’t want.

This isn’t CF related diabetes, because my pancreas still works. (I don’t take enzymes to digest my food, so that’s how we know….) But at the same time, my body is clearly becoming insulin resistant.

I’ve been on steroids for 14 years. So the thought is that steroids + menopause=unhappy A1c.

Now, I can’t go off steroids. I’m on a low dose—5 mg a day. There is a 2.5 mg dose. And I might try that. But the problem is, my body has adjusted to them, and my joints, especially like prednisone. A lot. I had CF related arthritis before my transplant and that is helped a lot by the prednisone. I notice when I miss a dose. So when I tried to go off prednisone a few years ago, my body said, “nope.”

Why am I on prednisone? Because I had a transplant.

Which saved my life.

But we know that prednisone has a lot of side effects.

*

Another area where side effects come to play? Cancers. We’ve talked about that a lot here.

And, not pred related, but med related—my hearing loss.

So, these are all things that have happened as a result of staying alive.

But—what were my choices?

Well, to take the meds, or die. Really. It was that stark, in a lot of cases.

So I decided to take the meds. And live with the side effects.

And that can be sort of sucky, to be honest. Because you do things to save your life, but then…there are consequences, and you have to be ready to deal with those. It’s a long-term gamble.

But, and I said this to my friend, we do the best we can with the information we have. We can’t think about 5, 10, 15 years down the road when we’re looking down the barrel of the gun right now.

If you’re in that situation, I know how you feel. I know it’s hard not to google and think about the future. But really, in my opinion, the best thing to do is to talk to your doctors, see what the options are, and then go with what is best—for you, for the situation, for what needs to happen to achieve a good outcome.

Does that mean you’ll be thrilled with what you have to do? Well, no. I’m not thrilled that I’m injecting myself with five units of insulin every night. But it could be worse.

This is what I have to do to stay alive—to see year 15, year 16, year 17….post-transplant.

Now, are there things I won’t do? Yeah. I’ve always said I wouldn’t go for a third transplant. That, to me, is a bridge too far.

But right now, I take the insulin, I adjust my diet, and I do the best I can with what I have.

Trust, Courage, Faith, and Transplants

Catholicism, essays, transplantEmily DeArdo1 Comment
Courage, daughter! Your faith has saved you. --Matthew 9_22.png

I had a holy hour last week before Mass, and as I was paging through my Magnificat, I noticed a few things.

Do you see them, too?


Matthew 9:1-8

The Healing of a Paralytic. He entered a boat, made the crossing, and came into his own town. And there people brought to him a paralytic lying on a stretcher. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Courage, child, your sins are forgiven.” At that, some of the scribes said to themselves, “This man is blaspheming.” Jesus knew what they were thinking, and said, “Why do you harbor evil thoughts? Which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Rise and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”—he then said to the paralytic, “Rise, pick up your stretcher, and go home.” He rose and went home. When the crowds saw this they were struck with awe and glorified God who had given such authority to human beings.


And here….

Matthew 9:18-26

The Official’s Daughter and the Woman with a Hemorrhage. While he was saying these things to them, an official came forward, knelt down before him, and said, “My daughter has just died. But come, lay your hand on her, and she will live.” Jesus rose and followed him, and so did his disciples.  A woman suffering hemorrhages for twelve years came up behind him and touched the tassel on his cloak.  She said to herself, “If only I can touch his cloak, I shall be cured.”  Jesus turned around and saw her, and said, “Courage, daughter! Your faith has saved you.” And from that hour the woman was cured.

 When Jesus arrived at the official’s house and saw the flute players and the crowd who were making a commotion,  he said, “Go away! The girl is not dead but sleeping.” And they ridiculed him. When the crowd was put out, he came and took her by the hand, and the little girl arose.  And news of this spread throughout all that land.


Do you see it?

Before Jesus heals these people, he tells them to have courage.

A lot of people tell me I am brave.

I am not brave.

Doing what you have to do to keep on breathing is not brave. It’s necessary. Now, granted, I had to make the choice to go for transplant. If I hadn’t done that, then I wouldn’t be sitting here, writing this, precisely fourteen years later. In fact, as I write this (at 10:47 a.m.), fourteen years ago, I was in the OR. My surgery began around 6:45 in the morning (at least that’s when the epidural started, I think). So, yes, I made the decision to go for transplant. Was that brave? I don’t know. I don’t personally think so.

Really, though, a lot of the time, I did not feel brave. I did not have the courage Jesus is telling these people to have.

But as I looked at these verses, I thought, this is right. They need courage for what’s about to happen. Because it’s scary, to be suddenly plunged into a world you didn’t think was possible, something you had hoped for, but didn’t think would actually happen. It’s sort of terrifying.

These people had faith that Jesus could cure them. And I had faith, too. I’ve always had it. I’ve never doubted my faith. But did I have courage? Did I trust Jesus?

Ah. That’s the slow growing bloom of faith. Faith is the seed. But courage and trust? That’s later. That’s a result. It’s the result of a lot of dark nights and lots of tears and feelings of this is never going to happen.

And I can say that even if I hadn’t been transplanted. Remember, God is always good. I would’ve been cured, either in heaven, or here on earth. And I was lucky that I got my miracle here. Some people aren’t as lucky as I was. That’s the sobering fact.

Throughout, though, Jesus tells us to have courage, because something is happening. And it might be something great. But in the moment, there is fear. There is death, as we see with the little girl. But then…

life.

Even if it’s life on the other side of death. We know how this story ends. We know that death is not the winner.

Trust in Jesus sounds great, and it is great, but until you’ve really had to surrender your will, to say I have no control over this—that’s when you need the courage. It takes courage to trust in God.

Jesus knew that. And I think that’s why he tells these people to have it, to grasp it, to be strong in the moment. Because in the moment when the miracle happens, you might feel like you’re going to drown—save me, Lord, I’m perishing!

If I look brave, it’s really because Jesus gives me the courage to take the steps forward. It’s not my courage at all. It’s his.

My Dominican saint is Bl. Lucy of Narni—and yes, she’s the one C.S. Lewis used as inspiration for both the name “Narnia” and Lucy Pevensie. I’ve always loved Lucy. But remember, Aslan tells Lucy, “Courage, dear heart.”

We need to be reminded to have courage, to keep trusting.


Thomas More.png





Day In the Life: Yearly Transplant Testing

CF, health, transplantEmily DeArdo1 Comment
E55CD5F1-CE49-436F-8F15-527AAC8CE40D.jpg

I thought that I’d give you a little glimpse into a day at clinic, but in order to get the most bang for your reading buck, I chose do chronicle a day where I do yearly testing—as in, clinic, blood draws, X-rays, CT scan, and a DEXA (bone density) screening. So come along with me on Monday’s trip….

6:30 am: Alarm goes off.

7:20 am: Out the door, to the hospital!

It’s not raining! Yay!

It’s not raining! Yay!


The hospital is only 12 miles away form my place, so that makes it easy to get there, but morning rush hour can be a beast. Fortunately, it’s not bad, and I get to the parking garage at 7:45, after being asked for the nth time if I’m a visitor. No, I am a patient. Deep sigh.

Excellent parking!

Excellent parking!

The hospital has a nature theme, so there are lots of animals and other nature-ish things around. In case you can’t tell, those big green things are acorns.

7:50: Heading to Crossroads Registration

dooooown the long hallways.

dooooown the long hallways.

I passed this bunny on the way in:

E63D23B3-AAB7-473D-8C3A-A07BA7972BA4.jpg

Registration is in the middle of the hospital complex and sometimes it can be a pain. But there was a nice lady behind the desk, the kiosks worked, I had my wrist band, and was on my way to infusion for my first appointment….




Up we go!

Up we go!

The tower building used to be the main hospital—I’ve spent a lot of time here. :) The fourth floor (4AE) where infusion is is where the adult CF floor used to be. It’s where I almost died and it’s where I waited the night my transplant came.

The 4th floor is also home—or was—to the PICU. So yeah, the fourth floor has lots of great memories. (Seriously, some are good. Most are….not.)

It does, however, have a good vending machine.

Anyway!

8:00 Infusion

In the waiting room—Muppet Babies on TV.

IMG_9315.JPG


Great view, huh?

Great view, huh?

Since I was early, I got taken back early—yay!—into one of the rooms. Like I said, these used to be patient rooms. Now they’re smaller. Most of infusion is separated by walls and curtained off areas, but since I’m a transplant patient I go into an actual room.

53743FF1-980F-42E7-9A7F-54166583C201.jpg

Sometimes infusions last for hours. Really, the reason I go to infusion isn’t to get meds, it’s to get my port accessed for blood draws. So the room has a bed, and the other areas have recliners, if you’re staying. I’m not. This is an in and out thing.

My great nurse comes in and sets things up….


fullsizeoutput_d2c.jpeg

Fortunately no vitamin levels today, so only three tubes. We could not get that out of my veins. So—port!

The blurry part is the strips that have my ID number on them and get attached to various things when the blood goes to the lab.

And yes, everyone must wear PPE—personal protective equipment—when they access the port. Gowns, gloves, masks, and hair nets. It’s like we’re doing surgery here.

So, we’re running ahead of the game, but then my port decides to be dumb, so we have to wrestle with it for ten minutes, but finally it cooperates and we get the blood. Then we flush the line with saline and heparin, and de-access me. Yay!

I am free to go back down to the main floor!

Hallway out to the waiting room.

Hallway out to the waiting room.


Doooown we go.

Doooown we go.

IMG_9324.JPG

This used to be part of the old ER—the parking lot to the right is where we dropped me off the night of my transplant.

(Bunnies ahead!)

IMG_9326.JPG

This used to be “main” radiology, and the little hallway you see above used to run between radiology and the ER. This also used to be the main hospital through way—if you went to the end of this hallway you’d reach the main lobby. But I digress!

I’ve been coming to this part of the hospital for twenty-six years. It’s very familiar.

As is this hallway, but now they’re changing it! I don’t know what to do ! :-p




IMG_9328.JPG

8:40 AM: Chest X-ray

So I have my probably five millionth chest x-ray (that’s a conservative estimate), before which I ran into my post-transplant buddy Amber, who is also going to clinic. It’s always fun to see friends!

So, out of radiology, heading toward clinic, and passing the fish tank and the satellite gift shop.

(Yes. There are two gift shops)

Sharkbait!

Sharkbait!

Past the coffee bar….


IMG_9332.JPG

To the elevators, and up to good old fifth floor CF clinic! :) Also been coming through this door for 35 years. :)

87020FC3-A651-495B-898E-E89A58826865.jpg

9:00 AM: Clinic

4A7B8E2B-F9FE-4AD7-8835-0E67425253A7.jpg

This is where I spent the bulk of my time. On a “yearly” clinic day, everyone comes in: the doctors, the dietician, the social workers—and things get a little more in-depth. (Not so much on the doctor end, since I see him every three months.)

*The dietician asks me to talk about what I normally eat: meals and snacks. She’ll then give suggestions. Right now, we’re dealing with weight loss and the silly A1c levels (more on that in a bit), so we want to make sure I’m eating the right combination of things. She made some suggestions, I asked some questions, and it took about a half hour, probably. I really like the dietician so that helps. :)

*My Doctor. I see one of the two docs on the team every three months. This time, he was happy with how I was doing, and we talked about the A1c thing.

Basically, the A1c is a test that looks at how your blood processes sugar all the time—it’s like a batting average. It’s how much sugar “sticks” to your red blood cells. For normal people, you want it to be under 6% For post transplant people, you want it to be in the low 6%, because the prednisone we’re one messes with how our bodies process sugar. So we aren’t aiming for normal people normal, but abnormal normal. :)

I had been testing my blood glucose levels (BGLs) for a few months, and my doctor didn’t think my numbers were really all that bad. (Again, we’re looking at abnormal normal here. Not normal people. ) He did say that if my A1c was up, then we’d probably have to start me on a low-dose, long-acting form of insulin. It wasn’t really because I hadn’t done what they asked—I lost weight, I’m being more active, and I’m checking my BGLs—but because I’ve been on prednisone for 14 years, and I’m in menopause, which, as we know, messes with hormones like nuts.

But my Chest X-ray looked good, and my PFTs were up a point, so lung wise, things are great. Sinus wise, things are great. I’m seeing all my specialists like I’m supposed to and I keep clinic informed of things there.

My doctor wanted me to do some other PFTs so I had to go back to the lab, but we’ll get there in a second. :)

*Social Work: Normally, they just come in and ask how I’m doing and give me a parking token. Since I’m working with some insurance insanity right now, we had more to talk about and they are going to look into some things for me which is massively helpful. So I was happy!

Finally, Pulmonary Function Tests, aka, PFTs.

Normally, when I say I’m doing PFTs, what I mean is I’m doing spirometry. Aka, the thing where you sit down, put clamps on your nose, and breathe in through a tube connected to a computer. You breathe easily for a few breaths (for me it’s two) and then on the third you take in a huge breath, like you’re about to go underwater, then blow it out fast and hard.

You then get results that look like this:

swirly bit is blocked out personal info. :)

swirly bit is blocked out personal info. :)

Now, this is in liters, and I generally look at percentages. As of yesterday I had about 54% lung function, which is good for me, and that’s the “moderate restrictive defect” part. It’s not anything to worry about, it just says that at the bottom.

I also did two other kinds of tests which check how gases are diffused in my blood and other breathing related things. Those were also fine. So yay there.

11:00 Finished clinic, back to radiology!

I finished in clinic, said goodbye, and my nurse said she’d email me with follow-up things. I then headed back down the elevators,

IMG_9351.JPG

past the fish….



7684F89C-DC50-4577-B8B8-2108F1D2282C.jpg

And back to radiology.

5804801A-43EA-4892-805E-665DAACF6CB0.jpg

This was a bone density scan that did scans of everything—we did hip focus and lumbar focus, and then the whole body. This is important because prednisone (don’t we love it?!) also causes issues with bone density and causes osteoporosis. Fortunately my bones are AWESOME. I hope they continue to be awesome—I haven’t gotten these results back yet.

FINALLY, the LAST TEST!

11:45 am: Chest CT

so heading back through the center of the hospital, to the Magic Forest!

IMG_9360.JPG


And into the CT room:


CCC3CA23-B2F1-4564-B98E-1F608542F52A.jpg

This is just a regular old CT scan of my lungs to make sure we’re not missing any small things that might be happening that regular X-rays don’t pick up. Easy peasy.


So I was free, and said goodbye to the bunny, at around 12:15!

104CF85E-11AB-47C5-840C-41F21E638A6F.jpg


I was really hungry at this point, because I’d only had a little breakfast—you’re not supposed to eat a lot before clinic visits in case something scary shows up in testing and you have to have a bronchoscopy that day. (Yes, that has happened to me before.)

So I was hungry and had walked about a mile and a half, not kidding, in the halls of the hospital. I hit my move goal for the day at 3 PM, so I knew that I’d get a decent workout on this day, lol.

This used to be a longer day—there used to be more tests. So I’m fortunate that this was a pretty quick day and everything went well, except for the silly port being stupid! :)

Seven Quick Takes--The First Draft Exists!

7 Quick Takes, Catholic 101, current projects, hearing loss, Seven Quick Takes, writingEmily DeArdo2 Comments
seven quick takes.jpg

Linking up with Kelly!

I.

The FIRST DRAFT EXISTS!

Yay!

E3B0C26A-765D-45D3-81A4-48D9F0926313.jpg

When I first got the contract information, the fact that Ave Maria wanted a first draft by June 1 was daunting to some people I talked to. “Can you do it in two months?”

HELL YES I CAN.

II.

Why was I so confident?

Because I have journalism training. And political training.

And when you have both of those, you learn to write quickly, on ridiculous deadlines.

Deadlines? WHAT DEADLINES.

So, thank you to Professor Kelly Messinger in college for all the Chimes Wednesday nights where we ate Chipotle and wrote into the wee hours! And edited! And wrote! And edited!

III.

Now, that doesn’t mean it’s always easy, because sometimes….


But then I apply my Maxim: You cannot edit a blank page.

Get anything on the page. Anything. Let it sit there and then come back later and edit it. You never know what can happen.

Chapter 10, for example? WENT OFF THE RAILS. I had no idea where I was going with that one, and we went somewhere I had not anticipated. But there it is!

(It might not stay the way it is. LOL.)

IV.

Speaking of writing—my ebook, Catholic 101, is now $5!

That’s it. Five bucks, y’all.

Go get it!


V.

I also promise to have the Denver travel posts up next week. This week was just nuts, with getting the first draft done….oh, and getting a new CI processor!!!!!!!

VI.

So, if you want more on the CI, you can visit my series here. Basically I was glad to have hearing, but the processor I had had shortcomings. I couldn’t use the phone.

Now….I might be able to use the phone! I mean, what?!

I can listen to my voicemails and understand them!

So far, this new processor is a game changer.


VII.

Oh, one more thing about the draft—a question I’ve been getting a lot is, “Well, didn’t you have to write the book before you submitted it?”

Short answer: No. Most places, for non-fiction, want a proposal, with a chapter sample, but not the whole book. I’ll talk more about the parts of the process later (especially in my newsletter!). But, no. I had to write the book to the proposal specs.




Seven Quick Takes In a Deluge

7 Quick Takes, current projects, Seven Quick Takes, Orchard House, hockeyEmily DeArdoComment
seven quick takes.jpg

Linking up with Kelly!

I.

OK, so, first, I’m thrilled to tell you that the talk I recorded for Kelly’s conference has been accepted! Yay! I’m part of the speaker’s library that attendees will have access to!

What is this conference, you might ask? Kelly has created a conference for Catholic parents of kids with special needs, called “Accepting the Gift.” You can attend in person, OR (and I love this part), you can attend virtually! How cool is that? So if you can’t make it to New Jersey, you can still attend!

Here is the conference page, so check it out! And do attend!


II.

This is also the first talk I’ve done as an adult—I did a witness talk at my parish mission when I was sixteen—but I really do like my talk, all things considered. :) It’s called “Joy Anyway”, and it’s about living life with a chronic illness, because, a lot of the time, we hear from the parents of people like me, but not the actual people who have the illness, and so I’m thrilled that Kelly asked me to contribute my thoughts, because I do care about this quite passionately, as you all know. :)

And of course I love the parents! Parents are awesome! But it’s important to get the perspective from the person with “the thing” as well, in my book. So, thanks Kelly for asking me! (And accepting the talk!)


III.

OK so yeah, it’s deluging here right now. Lots and lots and lots of rain being dumped on Orchard House at the moment. I overslept this morning and this is probably why, because it’s really dark outside. Not that I mind—I generally like rainy days.


IV.

Today is part of the editing process in the writing of the book. My editor has sent me chapters back, and now I go through and play with them and see what I can do to make them better. Some of the changes I just accepted on the first go round because they were easy (like, adapting to the press’s style guide) or just made sense. Bigger changes require more thought and distance, so that’s what I’m doing today.


V.

My birthday was on Tuesday, so I’m thirty-seven now! And it was a gorgeous day, which is rare in central Ohio in early April—it snowed on my birthday (as in the day I was born). But yesterday it was 82 and kids were in the pool, which made me shiver just seeing them in there, because that water was going to be cold!

ANYWAY (digression over!), it was a good birthday with sun and good food.

No, Emily did not eat all this cake. Emily did not come close to eating all this cake. We shared it. :)

No, Emily did not eat all this cake. Emily did not come close to eating all this cake. We shared it. :)


VI.

I also think that everyone should like their birthday. Because birthdays mean you survived another trip around the sun! Yay!!!!!! Birthdays are great! I mean, yeah, I’m thirty-seven, but to me, that’s sort of awesome. I wasn’t supposed to hit thirty-three. I wouldn’t have seen twenty-seven without Suzanne, my donor. So, yeah. Birthdays rock.

VII.

It’s hockey playoff time, and Dad and I are going to see the Jackets play the Tampa Bay Lightning on Sunday! This has been a bucket list item for me for awhile—seeing an NHL playoff game. The nice thing is that since the Jackets are playing Tampa, I can unreservedly root for them. When they play the Penguins in the playoffs (as they’ve done before), I can’t do that, I’m torn! But now, I can root for them all the way. It’s going to be great! The Jackets have all sorts of things planned—there’s a big plaza in front of the arena so there will be activities, and the arena opens up earlier than usual so people can head in and start the party. I hope the Jackets win! (They won the first game on Wednesday in Tampa in an amazing comeback. They play tonight. Pens are down one game to none against the Islanders. If you don’t care about hockey, I’m sorry this take was all hockey. :) )

Seven Quick Takes--House Updates, Writing, Hockey

7 Quick Takes, behind the scenes, current projects, the book, Seven Quick TakesEmily DeArdoComment
seven quick takes.jpg

Linking up with Kelly!

I.

So, first, the Penguins are in the playoffs for the thirteenth year in a row. This makes me happy.

(If you’re new here—I’m a huge hockey fan. The Penguins are my “main” team. The Blue Jackets are my “home” team and I want them to make the playoffs too, which they will do if they win one of their next two games.)

II.

IMG_8595.JPG

Orchard House is in the stage of “personalization” or “zhushing” as they say on Home Town. I’m putting up pictures and other fun things, like my refreshed ribbon board in my bedroom:


III.

If you want to see how tiny Emily was in college, here’s my college ID closeup, along with one of my favorite magazine cutouts:

IMG_8597.JPG

IV.

And about the button. It says “Italians for President Nixon.” Now, obviously, I wasn’t alive to vote for Nixon. But one of my best friends, Branden, is an auctioneer (as well as about 5 million other things, including our county clerk), and he loves political memorabilia, so he thought I’d like it, since I’m half Italian. And I do like it. It’s funny.

V.
The big pink piece of paper is an audience ticket my friend Amilia gave me. She was lucky enough to attend a general audience with Pope St. John Paul II, and she gave me the ticket. You can tell I’ve had it FOREVER, it’s all sun bleached, but I love it.

VI.

The dog picture? That’s Liberty, who used to be Colonial Williamsburg’s mascot. I was so psyched to meet her when we visited two years ago! She was such a good dog!

VII.

I could keep telling stories, but I’ll wrap up with a writing update! (Maybe next week I’ll tell more stories? What do you think? Because everything on this board has a story!)

So I’ve sent chapters 1-4 to my editor. She has sent me edits for chapters 1-2. So we are really making progress! Yayyyy!





Joy In the Morning (OR: How I get up every day and do life)

CF, essays, transplantEmily DeArdo2 Comments
My siblings and I on my brother’s wedding day.

My siblings and I on my brother’s wedding day.

Warning: This might be a sort of rambly post. Settle in.

I was visiting my therapist last week. Yes, I see a therapist. I have since I was 17. A lot of people with CF do (not all, but a lot). I have no shame in telling you that.

So anyway, I was at an appointment with my therapist, and we were talking about how I was a bit maxed out on doctor visits. I mean, in almost thirty-seven years of life, I think my quota’s been hit, right?

And that doesn’t even count the other “stuff” we do—Mom accessing my port every month, the meds I take (which are vastly less than pre-transplant, btw), the blood glucose tests I’m doing twice a day now, etc. It’s a lot. It’s less than pre-transplant in some ways, and more in others. I have a colonoscopy every five years, which means one next year. I have a mammogram in April, because my mom had breast cancer and so my sister and I have to start our mammograms at age 37 (ten years before Mom was diagnosed). And then there’s dentists and eye doctors and the things normal people do.

So, yeah, it’s a lot.

This led to talking about compliance, which means, doing what the doctors tell you to do. And I told a story that I thought was illustrative.

When I was about seventeen, I was having a regular clinic visit, an I saw a sign on the wall of the exam room, saying that if you were 95% compliant with taking pulmozyme (one of the CF meds), you’d get a prize at your next clinic visit, see your nurse for a chart to win! Stuff like that.

Now, I never did these, because, generally, I was too old. This stuff was generally for the smaller kids, to get them in the habit. But what I thought was interesting was that the center wasn’t pushing perfect compliance.

Because that doesn’t exist.

Now, look, I’m not saying I was a slacker. Because I wasn’t. My mom, for one, wouldn’t let me be, even if I was disposed that way. I take my meds. I did my treatments. But yes, sometimes there were times where I put in a few minutes of precious sleep over a “perfect” Vest treatment, when I was in college. Sometimes I just went to bed. Not often, but sometimes. I wasn’t “perfect”, and I’m not perfect now. To be “perfect” now, I’d be a MESS. I’d be taking meds all day long, worrying about timings and if this was going to interact with that and how does this work and oh my gosh my brain is going to explode!

I take all my meds, and I take them twice a day. Is that perfect? Well, no. It’s not optimal. If can affect absorptions. *

But here’s the thing—I want a life. I don’t want to live in a glass bubble.

I went to school. I did activities. I rode bikes with my friends and went to the pool in the summer with them and then we went to the coffee shop and played board games. I had sleep overs, where I didn’t bring my equipment! I went on choir tour! (And yes, I brought the mini nebulizer!) I went to college.

Honestly, if my parents had tried to wrap me up in the bubble, I would’ve had a fit. I always wanted to be like everyone else, as much as possible. As Erin once said in a Home Town episode, I’m like a wild pony, and I need freedom!

(Not too much freedom. But enough freedom.)

So anyway, talking about all the things I had to do every day, my therapist then said, well, how do you do it? I mean, what gets you up in the morning?

And then I said, “well, that’s sort of what my book is about.” (Because it sort of is. Sort of. The book is sort of about a lot of things! )

But here’s what it comes down to:

Yes, there are a lot of things I have to do in my life. More than the average bear, that’s for sure, so when people say “well, you just have to suck it up and do X,” I want to roll my eyes, because that’s a big chunk of my day. (I’d wager it’s a large part of everyone’s day. As my grandfather used to say, “that’s why they call it work!”) But yeah, for me, and for other people like me, we have a lot of stuff on a daily basis that isn’t fun but must be done, and you just do it and don’t whine about it.

But what gets me up in the morning? Well, a lot of things. I’m very in touch with my inner child and I get excited about really little things. When I was working in the Senate, a lunch date with my Dad was enough to make me excited for the day. Today, it’s stuff like, a package is coming in the mail! It’s a hockey night in Pittsburgh! I get to write today! Oh, this book comes out! My book is in at the library! Chuy’s with Mary!

I’m very easily amused. And that helps me, I think, because it overrides a lot of other things that are not so fun. (Like making myself go to the gym. And poking my fingers. And doing doctor paperwork.)

But a big part of this, and this is what I’d say to anyone facing a chronic illness, is this:

Go live your life!

You really, really, really cannot hole up in your house and be all sheltered. You can’t. GO LIVE YOUR LIFE. Go outside! Do things! Be free! Have fun! Go to the park! Go swimming! Pet a dog! Whatever!

Yes, treatments are vital. YES, compliance is important—if I hadn’t been a compliant patient I NEVER would’ve been listed for transplant! But if you’re caught up in PERFECT, then…..you’re going to miss things and your life will be so small.

9E6C0672-E46C-4144-896F-A1F4855E57A1.jpg

Seriously. Do what the sign says.

Live your life. Take your brain with you.

*: As far as absorptions: the only meds I take that NEED to be taken around the same time every day are my immunosuppressants (the prograf). That’s important. However, I am also far enough out that if I’m off by a few hours in a dose, the world will not end. When I traveled to LA, my nurses told me to just take the meds on LA time and not worry about being exact. I used to take my meds exactly at 8 AM and 8 PM (even rushing to the lobby of the Ohio Theater to take meds before a symphony concert started). Now, it’s generally around those times. I’m not quite as OCD.

The meds I’m talking about here are things like my nexium and magnesium supplements. You’re not, really, supposed to take them together. But if I didn’t, then I’d be carrying around meds all day and thinking about when to take them, as opposed to thinking about things more worthy of my brain space! It’s not a huge deal to take them together. But yes, some meds do have to be taken at certain times, and when I do those (like home IVs) then, yes, it’s on the dot as much as possible. You usually have about an hour leeway on either side of the dose time (for example, if the dose is due at 6 PM, you can do it at 5 or 7, but not 4 or 8.)








Seven Quick Takes--Groundhog, Give Me Spring

7 Quick Takes, goal setting, Seven Quick Takes, writingEmily DeArdoComment
seven quick takes.jpg

inking up with Kelly!

—1—

There is no way I will complain about 100 degrees this summer. Nope. No way, no how.

—2—

(Athough, extreme heat does make it hard for me to breathe…..but so does extreme cold. But it’s EASIER in the heat, to do things like take out trash. :) And get the mail. I can just go out and do it quickly. In the winter, it means boots, hat, gloves, scarf, big coat…..it’s a production, similar to:


—3—

Should we talk about February goals? Sure, let’s do that. I’m still doing the contentment challenge, (the first month went well! I am proud of myself!), I sent out the book proposal (SQUEEEEE), I saved money for my emergency fund, went to confession, and I did pretty well getting into my Bible every day! I only missed FIVE DAYS all month, which is pretty awesome, guys. I’m happy about that.

—4—

For this month:

Monthly goals: Contentment Challenge month two; more to emergency fund, finish Kon Mari-ing the house (I’m almost there! In the komono category right now, which is basically everything in the house that isn’t clothes, books, papers, or sentimental items. It’s a lot, to put it mildly), go to confession, and attend the Columbus Catholic Women’s Conference!

—5—

Weekly goals:

Contentment Challenge devotional reading; meal plan; blog; artist date (part of The Artist’s Way—going out once a week to do something fun, that fills the creative well in you—it’s been hard with this weather but I”m trying!), and a holy hour.

—6—

Daily goals:

Examen before bed (basically examination of conscience), exercise (I just signed up for YogaGlo again. I did that last year and it was REALLY helpful for me, so back we go!), keep a food journal, and reconcile my checkbook every morning (I use the Every Dollar program for this).

—7—

And finally, some cute Corgis and Harry Potter (thanks to my friend, Abby, for showing me this!)


51378265_2149069871820473_1070935831671209984_n.jpg






Seven Quick Takes--Stories from the Loony Bin

health, 7 Quick Takes, transplantEmily DeArdoComment
seven quick takes.jpg

Linking up with Kelly!

I’ve been wanting to write this post for awhile. Today’s a good day to do it, because this week, New York State passed the most incredible abortion “rights” law—a baby can be aborted essentially any time up to birth. If the mother wants that to happen.

Any time. We’re not talking about babies that aren’t viable here. We’re talking about babies that could be a week away from delivery.

(And be sure to read that post for the definition of “health of the mother” that the law used. It’s….interesting.)

Anyway. I am mad about this, of course. But at the same time, I feel like I need to write something funny to counteract this insanity that caused the state of New York to light up One World Trade Center pink to “celebrate” this law passing.

Look, my life hasn’t been a picnic. But at the same time, sometimes plain funny things have happened because of it. So, I present, tales from the loony bin.

(c) Erica Kay Photography. This year’s Christmas card photo.  L-R: Me, my mom, Sarah (new SIL) , Bryan (my brother), Dad, Melanie (my sister), Jason (her fiance)

(c) Erica Kay Photography. This year’s Christmas card photo. L-R: Me, my mom, Sarah (new SIL) , Bryan (my brother), Dad, Melanie (my sister), Jason (her fiance)

(Just a note before we start: some of the medical technology has changed. So you know, don’t go that’s not how these things work!)


-1-

Back in the day, I did a lot of home IVs. Basically, it’s IV meds you give at home, so I didn’t have to be stuck in the hospital for 2-3 weeks and could go to school and have a life. But that also meant that sometimes, there was a learning curve.

IVs have to be kept sterile—you can’t get them wet, you have to protect them. Now, when I first did home IVs, I would climb trees with an IV, but you know, I was young! :)
Anyway one time, the cap—the thing that protects the end of the IV line—got stuck. We couldn’t get it unattached, and this was bad, because then we couldn’t give the meds I needed.

So dad decided the best way to fix this was….with a pair of pliers. From his tool box. Grimy, gritty, dirty pliers. On a sterile IV line.

He came into my room with the pliers and I backed myself into a corner like a freaked out animal. “GET AWAY FROM ME!”
”What? We have to get the cap off!”
”At least clean them first! Use the alcohol wipes!”
(Fortunately, we could replace the tubing bit. We didn’t have to resort to the pliers.)


—2—

The night before my algebra II final my junior year, I woke up in the middle of the night. No, not because of Law of Cosine nightmares. I felt something wet.
I rolled over and saw that the sleeve of the t-shirt I slept in was bloody. Like, soaking with blood.

At the time, I had a PICC line in (peripherally inserted central catheter—basically a line that wasn’t under my skin, like my port is now, but went into a deep vein, so if we had problems with this, they became large problems.)

I ran into mom and dad’s room. “I’m bleeding.” Mom grabbed a towel and we went back to my room, applying pressure. Dad stumbled in with the cordless phone (this was 1999).

We called the direct line to Children’s and were put on hold while we waited for someone to answer our question. Were we going to have to go to the hospital? Was this really bad?

It’s around 2 AM, the lights are on in the hallway, and my brother and sister are standing in the doorway. Mom and Dad are arguing—what should we do? Should we do this? Should we do that?

At some point, Mom calls my dad something not nice.

And then we hear, “hello?”

We hadn’t muted the phone. The person on the other end had heard the entire argument.


—3—

Sometimes, though, it was a little funnier. Like the time Mel and I decided to use unused saline (salt water) syringes as squirt guns and pelt my brother with them. “Stop it! You’re going to kill me! What is that stuff?!”

“It’s water.”

“Oh.”


—4—

You know that you’ve passed the point of a normal family when going to the ER in the middle of the Super Bowl—which your favorite team is in—isn’t really cause for angst. The Steelers were playing the Packers in Super Bowl 45, and I started to get the lovely feeling of heart arrythmia.

“We have to go to the hospital,” I told my mom during the first quarter.

At halftime, we went. We went to the special area of the ER, doctors buzzing around me, the normal stuff happening. Dad is on his phone checking the score.

“We’re going to lose,” he mutters from the corner.

We did lose. But we got to watch the Puppy Bowl in the ICU!

—5—

Right before my transplant, my doctors were pulling every medical rabbit out of the hat to keep me alive. We were trying every drug we could think of, anything to keep me stable. Forget about improvement, we just didn’t want to get worse.
One of those drugs (another IV med) had to be constituted by us, meaning that it came as a powder, and we had to add the saline. This was rather difficult for some reason, because the force needed to get the saline out of the bottle, into the syringe, and then the saline IN to the med, was quite a bit. WE had jerry rigged some contraption onto the kitchen cabinets to try to give my dad and brother more leverage, because they were the only ones that could do this.

So I came home from work (granted, work was mostly just sitting at my desk—I really couldn’t do a whole lot at this point) and find my brother mixing the 3:00 med dose. I put down my bag

CRASSSSSHHHHH!!!!! SHATTER!!!!!!!!!

I look up. Bryan is holding the syringe, dumbfounded. The glass bottle had exploded all over the floor from the force of the saline trying to go into it.

All I could do was laugh.


—6—

This one has entered family lore:

I had pancreatitis—well, I had pancreatitis a lot. It wasn’t one of those things where I had to get to the ER toute de suite, but I was in a lot of pain.
Dad and I were in the car and stopped at the stoplight at the end of our road. One car was in front of us. We wanted to turn right, but this guy either wanted to go straight or was waiting for an invitation to turn (you know those people).

Dad revs the engine, and jumps the curb. Seriously. Drove the car right over the curb, scraping the bottom of the Accord, a tremendous nails on the blackboard sound.

Now whenever we’re behind someone in that situation, I always tell dad that he can feel free to jump the curb.


—7—

OK this last story is me.

The Resort (my normal hospital) is a teaching hospital. So sometimes when you get admitted from the ER, you have to go through the special hell of having some resident take your history. I don’t know what this resident had done to get me, but whatever. Poor guy.

Anyway, I was tired, I was drugged up, and I really didn’t want to be doing this. Plus, when I’m sick, my hearing goes out the window. I can’t concentrate. So I was just nodded and “yup”ing and all sorts of things to get this guy out of here.

Dad, of course, couldn’t be present for this because you know, I might talk about sex. So he was in the hall with his free coffee.

The medical student asked me a question. I said, yup. He said, how often. I said, oh, twice a day. I mean, I thought he was asking about meds.

He looks at me, shocked. Deer in the headlights.

“I’m sorry, what did you ask me?”

He turns bright red and mutters, “I was asking if you were sexually active.”

OH.

“Well, then, um, nope. Sorry. Never. Wow. Yeah.”


I figure that’s a good way to end, don’t you? :)




Seven Quick Takes

7 Quick Takes, behind the scenes, current projects, knitting, life issues, memoir, Seven Quick Takes, Tidying Up, writingEmily DeArdoComment
seven quick takes.jpg

Linking up with Kelly!

—ONE—

I haven’t done this in awhile, so, hey, time to do one! Especially since we’re supposed to get a big old snow storm with insanely cold temperatures this weekend, so if you never hear from me again, at least you have this. (I’m kidding. I’ll be fine.)

This cartoon made the rounds a few years ago, but once again it looks like I’ll be living in Hoth:

hoth.jpg


—TWO—

There’s been a lot going on over here. I’m moving, so that’s the first thing—in March! So I have two months to get my place packed up. Which means that yes, I’ve been watching Tidying Up with Marie Kondo on Netflix, and I love it. (And no, she’s never said that you only need 30 books, where did people get this?! I have WAY more than 30> I have more than 30 cookbooks, probably—yes, I might have a problem.)

But I’ve really enjoyed the process. If you haven’t heard of her, the idea is that you get rid of everything that doesn’t “spark joy”, or that you need (like, a screwdriver, for instance. Or copies of recent tax returns.). So you let go of things that you’re just holding on to out of guilt or uncertainty or “just because”, and it’s done in categories: clothes, books, papers, “komono “ (miscellaneous—she divides it down further), and sentimental items. I’m on “komono”, and it’s mostly household stuff and knitting stuff that’s left.


—THREE—

Speaking of knitting, here’s this week’s yarn along! I’m making a drachenfels shawl, again. :) Deets are at Ravelry, here.


—FOUR—

In other news, I’m very close to submitting my book proposal! Oh my gosh. This has been a few months in the making but I think I’m in the home stretch! Yayyy!

And you can help me!

Please subscribe to the blog! This is something that really helps me with publishers. It shows I have people who care about what I write! So do that, and then follow my author page on Facebook? Every follower/subscriber is important! If you already subscribe, thank you! Mwah!


—FIVE—

The proposal is a memoir about my life with CF and transplant and how it ties into the idea that life is always worth living, no matter what’s “wrong” with you. Today is the March for Life, so yes, I feel it’s a timely topic. I’ve had people tell me that I shouldn’t exist. But I DO exist and so there. :-p

—SIX—

I made a holy hour yesterday, since I might not be able to get to Mass this weekend depending on weather. If you don’t make a holy hour (Or holy half hour, or Holy Fifteen Minutes!), can I recommend that you start? It’s restorative, transformative, energizing….it’s time with the Lord who loves you so much! Get thee to an adoration chapel! Or get to Mass early, if you can. God wants to visit with you!


—SEVEN—

And, also, if you missed it, Take Up & Read has a new study! We’re starting on Monday but feel free to hop in whenever! It’s called Call Me Blessed (here’s my blog post about it!)—and you can get it at other bookstores besides Amazon! Yay!!!!! It’s all about our vocation as women, our dignity as women, using women in the Bible and the writings of Pope John Paul II. I do hope you’ll join us!

CMB 1.jpg



On My Soapbox: When people say they want "healthy" kids

Catholicism, CF, essays, health, life issues, transplantEmily DeArdo3 Comments

and some theology

I know that when most people say they want a “healthy baby”, they’re not being rude or mean. They’re probably trying to be nice.

But guys, I wasn’t a “healthy baby.” I looked healthy, initially, but I wasn’t. I had seizures. I had (and still have) thalessemia minor (I think it’s called type b now? Not sure). I got the CF diagnosis when I was 11.

So, should my parents have just pitched me back? “Nah, sorry, we wanted a non-defective model.”

And I know that people do that now. People kill their babies in the name of the kids “avoid suffering” in their lives. Bull crap. “Yes, let’s kill you, so you never get to have a life.”

That ties into part two: saying “God is Good” only when things go the way you want them to go.

Guys. God is good all the time. He is Good. It is in His very nature to be good. But that doesn’t mean that God’s Goodness=what you want.

Because it doesn’t work that way.

God created me with my “defective” genetic code and my blue eyes and my blonde hair and my fair skin and my wonky teeth and an ankle that cracks oddly. I have a really good memory and I love children and I do a pretty good Sebastian the Crab imitation. I have The Phantom of the Opera libretto memorized. (And Les Miz. And Miss Saigon. And Ragtime. And Parade…)

And yeah, I also have CF. I had a transplant. I’ve got scars. And I do talk about it, because it has become clear to me that it has to be talked about, because people see illness as scary and something to be avoided and pain as awful, to the point that Canada is allowing pediatric euthenasia.

God is always good. And God made me the way I am for a purpose. Is it always fun? No. It is not. There are times when I’ve been really peeved about it, to put it mildly.

But at the same time, it has made me who I am, and in general, I like who I am. I wouldn’t want to change that for the world.

God is not being “mean” to me. He created me the way he wants me to be.

And health doesn’t always stay health. Health is a transient thing, guys. Everyone will get sick. Everyone will die. It seems that in our society now we are idolizing life and health to the point that it is fully unhealthy. We’ve forgotten that we will die, that life is fleeting, that our home isn’t here.

Children are a gift from God, no matter how they come.

And God is always good. And He always loves me.

He always loves you, too. No matter what.

As [Jesus] passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “Neither he nor his parents sinned; it is so that the works of God might be made visible through him.”

John 9: 1-3, NABRE