"Our human rights derive from our humanity"

While in Houston, I (of course) went to church with my cousin and her family, and heard an amazing homily, centered on the decision in the Dobbs case. I took so many notes I thought I’d share them with you. It was a long homily, so this is just a taste.

Rogier van der Weyden, The Magdalene Reading. The National Gallery, London.

“The government does not and cannot give us rights. Our human rights do not come from the US government, our human rights derive from our humanity, and derive from the fact that we are human….{The Declaration of Independence states that] We hold these truths to be self-evident. We are endowed with those rights by our Creator and these rights are inalienable…

“To enjoy liberty, we must enjoy the exercise of the right to life. There is no pursuit of happiness without life. It’s inalienable…

“Legal does not equal just. We have the obligation to overturn unjust laws and to come to the aid of the oppressed. Slavery, women’s inability to vote, racial segregation and Nazism were all legal.

“We need, as citizens, to participate in the democratic process. There is much more to come. We must pray. Changing hearts and minds is a much more formidable task [that what has just been done]. We must have charity in all things and we need to treat everyone with respect. We must continue to work and build a culture of life. We must care for people, and show the mercy and forgiveness of God to everyone.”

Home

Oh, Jesus, I have missed you.

The last Mass I attended was March 1, 2020. I went to confession and then heard Mass.

I have never gone a year without Mass, and I’ve definitely never gone this long without The Eucharist. During my longest hospitalizations, I still had the Eucharist almost every week (except for the time I was in the ICU and, you know, not able to swallow things). Right before my transplant I was able to receive a sip of the Precious Blood. After transplant, extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion came to our house to give me the sacrament.

I haven’t had the Eucharist since July, when my good friend Fr. H came to hear my confession, give me communion, and have lunch with me.

That’s so long without Jesus.

I was so excited to go to Mass that I couldn’t sleep last night. The idea of wearing nice “church” clothes, of getting all my prayer books together from their disparate places around my house, and actually attending Mass and not listening to a podcast homily, was…really exciting. I’m not going to lie.

Entering the pew and being in the presence of God was a thrill, and I’m not lying. Usually I come to Mass “prepared”. I have a list of who I’m going to pray for and what I’m offering Mass for.

This Mass? Nothing but pure thanksgiving.

The closest thing I can compare it to is when I was in the ICU in college. I was flat on my back or two weeks. My muscles had completely lost the knack of doing things like sitting up, or standing, or going to the bathroom. I was amazed at how my body just took those things for granted.

That’s how I felt today. Receiving Jesus in the Eucharist, being filled with that grace—it was like, “I got this every week?” It felt completely new and I was so grateful for it.

Discover & share this Disney GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

Catholics, let’s talk for a second.

I am totally vaccinated. You might not be. You might still be wary of going back.

Please go back soon. Jesus misses you!

One of my goals was to get to Mass for Holy Week. The idea of celebrating Holy Week, going to the Masses, going to confession, having real holy hours again…I’m a bit verklempt thinking about it.

I wrote in the back of my prayer journal that “Jesus is essential.” I had missed Mass but I didn’t realize how much I had missed it until I was back in the parking lot and getting out of the car.

It really was like coming home.

Seven Quick Takes--Fourth Friday of Lent

-1-

We’ll start with some business. :) First, if you have read my book, please leave a review on Amazon! That helps more people find it (the more reviews, the more it shows up in Amazon “related items” or whatever.)

Second, Ave Maria Press is having an ebook sale, and Living Memento Mori is part of it!

-2-

Last week, as you know, I wrote all about Billy. You have probably seen the post from Monday, where I wrote about his death. Thank you, again, for all the comments, thoughts, and prayers for my friend, her husband, and their little boy. It’s so comforting to know that people are, as Anne Frank said, “really good at heart.”

-3-

Here in Ohio, we’re basically shut down. We’re told to stay inside unless it’s an essential thing—like, you must work, or get groceries or food, or things like that. We can go out to exercise, as well, sot hat’s helpful. But just going out to go out and in groups is, um, discouraged highly. I live alone, so most of my days are spent in my own company, but the hardest thing is not being in contact with people—no hugs. No touching. It’s rough. I mean I’m not a hugely touchy-feely person, but I do like parental hugs! And I haven’t had any in a month (or thereabouts). Sigh. Oh well. It could be worse.

-4-

The knitting is a lot of comfort knitting—I went into my stash and broke it down into types of yarn and then projects I can do with each type. Right now I’ve got two garter stitch scarves going and I’m going to make some washcloths with the stash of cotton dishcloth yarn I have here—why I bought so much, no idea. But knitting keeps my hands busy and it’s nice to have the feeling of getting something done and working on a project with a definitive, easy to see end! :)

-5-

I dunno if we really need more memento mori art, but here’s one of St. Catherine of Siena:

-6-

As far as churches go, we’re shut down at least through April 6, which is Palm Sunday. I would bet that there won’t be public celebrations of Holy Week, which is just….weird. I mean, weirder then Mass not happening publicly. I am very much hoping for streaming services for these. The Triduum liturgies are so beautiful! And my birthday is on Holy Thursday this year! That’s always special and to not have the Mass is just….again, weird. That’s really the only word I can use right now. WEIRD.

-7-

What are you reading, writing, doing, cooking—whatever-ing—during this time? Share your ideas in the comments!

The forgotten demographic: Catholic Single Women

(And no, it's not just because I am one.) 

There has always been a fundamental difference between the experience of single men and single women. Single men--"Bachelors." Single women--"old maids." 

Which would you rather be called? 

But the biggest problem, at least where I sit, is when the church gives us the Smug Marrieds from the Bridget Jones novels and turns it into an area of completing overlooking/forgetting/not attending to the single women in their midst. 

Really, don't need to feel like an idiot because I'm not married at church, when I already feel that way from society at large....

This isn't just a parish problem. It's a whole church problem. 

If you are a Catholic single woman who is relatively young (I'm 35, am I relatively young?) , I challenge you to find a ministry that cares about your needs. Most of them say "oh, we cater to all women!" No, you don't. 

• You don't if at women's conferences, it's all about married women and women with kids (Or it's like, a 90/10 split in favor of the marrieds.) 
• You don't if there are groups for moms of preschoolers, married couples, older women, men, and youth--but nothing for women or men who are unmarried and older than 21 in your parish, or that top out in the 30s. Because, of course single people who are in their mid to late 30s just don't exist....
• You don't if the big social events in your parish are dances or things that otherwise require a partner--even if you say they don't. Seriously, who goes to a dance stag once they're out of high school?!  

Now, I can understand that married Catholic women need something that's for them. That's fine. I can see the need there. There's a lot of pressure for married Catholic couples in this society. I can see that they need time alone (as in, sans kids) and to re-charge. Totally. That's a legitimate need. 

But it's getting old, because there is nothing for single Catholic women that aren't discerning a religious vocation. Seriously. NOTHING. Big. Fat. ZERO. And not only is there nothing specifically for us, but the things that are supposed to be for women in general are almost always totally geared to women who are wives and mothers--and it's not advertised that way. 

When I go on retreats, there's almost always a lot of mentions of husbands and kids. Why can't we just focus on being Catholic women?   I just sit there and smile and doodle in my notebook. 

When I read Catholic women's devotionals, there is such an undertone of being geared to wives and mothers. Why?  (And for the record, the Protestant books and devotionals I've read don't seem to do this. Why is that? [And yes, I read them because most of the Catholic ones do not speak to me. At all.] When I read Made to Crave, Uninvited, or 1,000 Gifts, it's not all about the authors being moms. It's about being women. And yes, these women write about being a mom, but it's not the end all and be all of what they write.)  

When I go to my diocese's Catholic Women's conference, a lot of the time, all the speakers are married women. As a single woman, I often sit through talks that have absolutely no bearing on my experience. But that never happens the other way around--a talk about single women, with married women in the audience.  

You can be a wife and mother, and yet talk about things that are applicable to all women. 

Believe me, I'd love to be a wife and mother. It would make me incredibly happy. But I'm not. I can't wish a husband and children into being a la Cinderella's ball gown.  A lot of Catholic women's organizations do not realize, or meet, the need that single Catholic women have for fellowship (which is a word I hate, but it works here), understanding, and the desire to live out our vocation as a Catholic woman authentically, no matter what our family situation. 

Does this happen to men? At the Catholic men's breakfast or lunch or the men's retreats, is it all about being a husband and a father? I dunno. But I would sort of think not--and hope not, because then they're in the same boat that we single women are. 

And no, I don't think that being single is "my vocation." 

(And also--what about married couples who have no kids? I sort of get the sense that they're in a weird place, too. Because, no kids. )

I'm just saying, throw us a bone once in awhile. Or at least, don't be a Smug Married. Please, please, please, Catholic parishes and Catholic women's groups, focus on all women. Not just the married ones. Not just the moms. All women. 

How do we do this? I think it's pretty simple, myself: Focus on creating groups that help everyone live out their faith, together. Things like parish-wide Bible studies. Faith sharing groups. Even coffee groups that meet once a month in the evening or whatever, for everyone to get together and talk and pray. Have a book club that's open to all adults. Don't have meetings at 10 AM on a week day that are the only meeting of the women's group! That's great for retirees, but not so much for working young people. 

And in the social media realm--focus on all women. Ensure that if you say you're for all women, that you really are in your representation. 

Now, the obvious response to all this is, "Well, start one! Duh, Emily. Get off your duff!" 

I don't mind running things. My personality is actually really good at running things (I'm an ESTJ, for you Myers-Briggs people) . And maybe, eventually, I'll get there. But this isn't a problem just for me. It's a much larger problem, outside the realm of my parish. And I am, actually, talking with friends of mine about getting things going at my own parish. 

But that's not why I'm writing this. I'm writing this to bring attention to the larger issue that a lot of us face. 

I love you, married women. A lot of you--you know who you are--are great friends and mentors to me. But. 

Lara Casey said something really good at MTH: All stories matter. 

And yes, that includes the stories of the singletons.